advertisement
Question
Posted by: The Kids' Real Dad | 2006/07/20

The ex's new hubby

Following my wife's extra-marital affair we got divorced. She's now married to the guy and he reckons my kiddies should call him Dad !!! My middle one, a son of 13 yrs is highly upset. So am I. I could smash the f*****r's face. How obnoxious can one get ? What am I to do ?

Not what you were looking for? Try searching again, or ask your own question
Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Cool it. Of course the idea may be u[psetting to you, and to your son, but it entirely normal practice in many such family set-ups, and was probably not uintended to be offensive. Garfield prfectly describes the best way to handle this. Don't express such anger, even if you are feeling it, or it will be counter-productive.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

14
Our users say:
Posted by: Phil | 2006/07/22

Minzo, you are either brain dead or just didnt get what was actually said... Wake up, and if you don't know what the hell you are talking about, rather keep quite.

Reply to Phil
Posted by: minzo | 2006/07/21

It just sounds to me that you are stil jeous of your wife mo than anything and thers nothing wrong with that, but dont use children as your excuse if that is the case. I dnt think its ur place to speak to the new hubby, why not rather speak to their mom.

I hope u dnt take this in a bad way, but think about it.

Reply to minzo
Posted by: The Kids' Real Dad | 2006/07/20

Their marriage better be working. If she put my kids through one more of these trips I'll be seriously blaming her. Once is once to many. I'll pay the Sheister to stay married to her, because the moment he abandons ship, we'll be having her on our doorstep. Scary thought. Let's stay positive. Nothing can go wrong... go wrong..... go wrong.......... go wrong..............go * ;-)

Reply to The Kids' Real Dad
Posted by: Phil | 2006/07/20

Let me tell you. If he was instrumental in your breakup, then he is peice of sh.t. He has nor morrals, and needs to try and boost his ego by going for soft targets. Hence him trying to bully your kids intosomething every normal person knows is just enforcing of power. Woman that go for affairs normally suffer prom ineriority complexes, or jealousy. Bassically they have very serious flaws, that is why they make thmeselves easy and have affairs....for the acceptance. Once again, these bastards take advantage of other weeklings vulnarabalities. And believe me, they don't have balls. But think about it this way, you should actually thank him??? I feal that the bastard did me a favor, cos today I am just too happy to be rid of that thing...
In your case remember. They build there new found relationship on an affair, they will always know this. They will always wonder if the other one isn't doing what they have done behind their backs. We can actually take bets on how long it will take before the hole thing come apart. Guranteed it will. Have a great day.. And sorry, didn't have time to do a spell check. Or maybe I jsut can't spell, who knows and who cares. You got the message..

Reply to Phil
Posted by: The Kids' Real Dad | 2006/07/20

Phil. You bring a smile to my face. Man, why should a placid guy be pushed where he doesn't want to go ? All I want to do is see my kids as regularly as possible without anybody trying to put the hurt on me with this kind of ego-boosting bullsh*t of being wanted to be called Dad. Maybe he'll make a good dad, but for goodness sake. THEY'VE GOT A DAD !!! Which part is he not understanding ?

Reply to The Kids' Real Dad
Posted by: The Kids' Real Dad | 2006/07/20

Hi The Kid's Mom. Your input is valued. I take it that your new hubby 2 B appeared on the scene after your splitting up with the ex and wasn't instumental in your breakup ? Very sensible man, your fiancé not to be treading the Holy ground by calling for them to call him Dad :-) About making the kids negative about their stepfather - you've said it - he's the stepfather not their father. Everything will be just cool if he doesn't start things that can have negative spin-offs. The fact that I'm not married to their mom anymore makes him no more their father than it all of a sudden makes me their father-twice-removed. Good thing you're going to "suggest" to them to call your fiancé Pa Cobus. It goes to show that you're someone who considers that there's some emotions going round the world. I know of instances where the dad abandoned his family and the kid can truely say that they've never known or seen their father and he's as absent as can be. Fair enough, let them call their stepdad "Dad". I'm not going to be easily (if ever) convinced that a man who takes into account another's feeling will ask his stepchildren to call him Dad whilst their biological father is still around.

Reply to The Kids' Real Dad
Posted by: Phil | 2006/07/20

I know exactly what you meen by making the papers. Fortunately I have made it very clear to the ex and the bastard she had an affair with. So they have the fear of death in them. I know all to well how you feel.

Reply to Phil
Posted by: The Kid's Mom | 2006/07/20

Wow, you sound aggressive. I’m in the opposite situation. I’m getting married in October and would be very pleased if my kids would call my fiancé dad. He won’t ask them to call him that, but I would suggest to them that they call him “Pa Cobus” instead of “Oom Cobus”. They only see their real father one weekend a month and their stepfather is much more of a dad to them than he is.

You are not doing your kids a favour by making them negative about their stepfather.

Reply to The Kid's Mom
Posted by: The Kids' Real Dad | 2006/07/20

I don't very much feel like talking to the devious bastard. No prize for guessing that I don't feel good about the guy, hey :-) He's turned a perfectly sound woman into an individual who can check you straight in the eyes and lie without blinking an eyelid. Not that I don't say it takes two to tango, but if he pulls his tricks with me it's going to make the papers. Best let him go on his merry way .......

Reply to The Kids' Real Dad
Posted by: Phil | 2006/07/20

MAybe you should have a chat with him. He kows you are there afther and he isn't? Why the hell does he want to be called dad? If he wants his own kids, he must make them!

Reply to Phil
Posted by: The Kids' Real Dad | 2006/07/20

Feel like telling the kids to call him Sir untill he stops his k*k and agree that Uncle will do just fine

Reply to The Kids' Real Dad
Posted by: The Kids' Real Dad | 2006/07/20

For the sake of everyone's wellbeing I'd like the kids to fit well into the new setup as soon as possible. It just beats me that their mom is such a big puppet as not to speak up and tell the guy this just isn't on. This isn't about winning or losing but he's definitely not going to get his way having my children call him Dad. He's caused enough k*k in several lives. The buck stops here. It puts the children in a terrible position. For the sake of their mom they'd most probably oblidge, because they don't see her object and may conclude that this may be what she also wants. It's a mess.... I don't like the statement he makes, be it intentional or not.

Reply to The Kids' Real Dad
Posted by: Phil | 2006/07/20

You know what, I share your feeling! Who the hell does he think he is? Your ex should know, kids have onle one father and only one mother. He is nothing to them, they stay under his roof with his rules yes. But if they are out of line, then your ex or you should sort it out. My ex knows,when it comes to my kids I don't negotiate with no one. I feel for you, as I am sitting here I am fuming on your behalf. This guy is messing around with things and emotions that are best left alone. If you ask me, he is openly lookng for sh.t! Hope you can sort this pout without it getting out of controll.

Reply to Phil
Posted by: Garfield | 2006/07/20

I would speak to the mother of the kids and explain it from your side and the kids' side. I agree with you that it is extremely insensitive and unacceptable for this new husband to push himself on the kids. You are still the father and responsible for the kids wellbeing too - make sure your ex wife realises this.

Just try to do it in a calm manner (easier said than done) but if you come accross as emotional and angry it will seem as if it is purely jealousy ...

Reply to Garfield

Have your say

Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
advertisement