Posted by: Wendy | 2008/08/27

The Ex

Hi, I am a 27 year old women. I have a step daughter who comes to visit us every 2nd weekend, I also have 2 of my own children one is 2 the other 4. My husbands ex is very nice and I like her. The problem is when I am around her, I pour my heart and soul out and tell her every little detail of my life. (Ussualy there is alcohol involved) I then Fret for days about the things that I have told her as I feel she doesnt respect me and looks down on me. I seem to have a major inferiority complex when it comes to her. I dont know why I seek her approval but I do. She hates it when her daughter and I talk about sex and I always seem to put my foot in it when giving her daughter any form of advise. I seem to find myself obsessing abount what the ex wife thinks of me - how do I gaurd my tounge when I am near her or just be myself with out fear of what she may think?

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Our expert says:
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Hmmm. Well, if consuming alcohol leads you ( as it does with many people ) to gushing forth confidences that may not be wise --- stop drinking or drink very cautiously. But rest, too, with the idea that if she really had come to not respect you, she'd surely avoid such occasions and even avoid being with you at all. I'm not clear why you and her daughter would be talking about sex, anyway. As for resenting you giving advice, I suppose that as the girl's mother she considers that her right and privilege. The obsessing about what she thinks about you may originate from having a rather low self-esteem, something which counselling, for instance in the CBT method, can very helpfully improve.

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