Posted by: Pinky | 2005/06/10

The best way to ask Hubby for Divorce

I would like to file for divorce but I don't know how to ask my husband. The problem is that he wants to be right all the time and won't give you a chance to talk, I can't even finish a sentence without him jumping in with insults, for that matter we don't talk. I don't want to slap him with divorce papers that he wasn't expecting. I would like us to be "friends" after the divorce for the sake of our girls. My ground of divorcing him is that he irresponsible, jelousy, boring (we don't do anything together even shopping, we get invitation but he just won't go) abusive, I once woke up at mid-night and he was staring at me, few night after that he woke up mid-night and switched on the kettle a few minutes after that he came back to bed. Two days ago he woke up just after 23h00 took a screw driver and came back to bed, I asked him what he was doing with it, he said he was going out and he was going to us it, but he did go anywhere. I don't feel safe anymore.


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Our expert says:
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He sounds as if he has been becoming increasingly odd, such as the kettle and the screw-driver. Rather worryingly so. Reasonable responses from other readers. Do you think, from your past experience of him and his reactions, that there is any risk of a violent response ? Some of that you say sounds ominous, and it might be wise to call POWA for advice, as they're experienced in helping abused women and those who have some reason to fear violence, to accomplish a safer parting. Would he possibly be open to joining you in marriage counselling ? He doesn't sound like he would, but if it's possible, it might be a good way to approach the issues, see what is and what isn't repairabl, etc.

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Our users say:
Posted by: NIXX | 2005/06/10


Reply to NIXX
Posted by: Ndo | 2005/06/10

Pinky my sister i think the reason why you don't know where to start is because you are scared of this guy. As you said he is also abusive, from what i read he sounds like he can do anything to hurt you, why does he have to sleep with the screw driver in bed? I'd suggest you file for divorce and just give him the papers because what if he does something stupid while you're trying to discuss it with you. Get all the protection you might need throughout this because your hubby sounds like a real nut case.

All the Best!!!!

Reply to Ndo
Posted by: Joanne E | 2005/06/10

Try the suggestions of sitting him down and telling him - if you don't get that right due his refusals slap him with them. If he asks why say "remember that time I TRIED telling you? And you wouldn't listen?"

Reply to Joanne E
Posted by: Purple | 2005/06/10

He isn't going to take ht enews well whether you warn him in advance or not.

Reply to Purple
Posted by: SR | 2005/06/10

Pinky = Sounds as if things have broken down badly. Do you think there is any chance of reconciliation. How did you guys progress to this point?

Reply to SR
Posted by: kitten | 2005/06/10

Tough call. It sounds as though you do need to divorce him though. Maybe just sit him down and say you want ten min of his time, with NO interruptions whatsoever. Turn off the cell phone even. Have your notes ready, and tell him straight- it's not working anymore and there's nothing he can say or do to try and rectify the situation. You've both outgrown each other and ít's time to move on. You feel you'd both be better off not married to each other anymore.
After your ten min is up, tell him to expect divorce papers, but explain that you do not want either of you to suffer simply because the marriage didn't work. That he needn't be afraid you'll "take him to the cleaners" (if that's your intention). Also that you'd like this to be an amicable parting of ways.
Surely he'll get the message then? Good luck to you, I admire you for taking this first step, it's hard. You'll eventually find your feet again, and you'll be stronger for the separation.

Reply to kitten

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