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Question
Posted by: Senior Citizen | 2005/11/22

The age factor

I am 27yrs old and hopelessly in love with a 60yr old man. He is highly intelligent, extremely interesting, has an incredible depth that lingers around him and values the same things in life that I do, I also feel physically attracted to him. I broke up with my boyfriend of three years during June this year, have been out with guys my age but he stands head and shoulders above them. I haven't told anybody about my feelings for him, I obviously fear the reaction I will get. I have also tried to deny these feelings but each time I see him I just melt...I want to be with him all the time. I really need some advice it is becoming a huge problem to me, I can’t think of anything else, what should I do??.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Sorry. "Hopelessly" in love is usuallt infatuation and not actual love. And though we have ( check the forum archives ) discussed age differences and how they're usually irrelevant to happy relationships, this one is truly extreme. This sounds very like someone with neurotic issues arising from childhood, wanting a father-figure. If you have children by him, are you happy that they are unlikely to have a father by the time they're grown up ?
I really think yoju need to see a counsellor to examine and understand these feelings, and take your time to decide what's best to do about them.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: GS | 2005/11/22

Go for it, as long as you don't plan to have children. My father was 50 and my mother 36 when I was born. My mother then died at 40. My father and I were never close, too big an age gape.

Reply to GS
Posted by: crimsonkc | 2005/11/22

To SC

Dating someone younger (20 years) than me really did not work. I think she was looking for a farther figure/boyfriend/confidant/etc all rolled into one. It is impossible to be all that and still try to be yourself. All you need is one to fail for the rest to collapse like a deck of cards.

Your relationship it could work, depending on what you want and expect out of the relationship.

Reply to crimsonkc
Posted by: ~Wings~ | 2005/11/22

I personally don't believe that age gaps work, because of personal experience, despite everyones warnings.
But...
You'll never know unless you try, but think carefully about the psychology of what you're doing.
Do you plan on having kids?
Would it be fair to go out and leave your 60 year old man at home alone?
Is this love or lust, infatuation or the real thing.
What is it exactly that you're attracted to??

As long as you don't hurt anyone else including yourself in this process, I would suggest that going ahead should be done with caution.

Good luck
~Wings~

Reply to ~Wings~
Posted by: Friend | 2005/11/22

There are many couples with huge age gaps that made a success of their relationship and there are also many couples who did'nt. It depends on many factors. With love everything's possible, but remember when you are his age, he will be in his 90's, if he's still alive. If you have children, the child may not know his father for long. How was your relationship with your own father? Sometimes a woman geta attracted to an older man when the father/daughter relationship was not very good. Good luck to you!

Reply to Friend
Posted by: Dude | 2005/11/22

uz shud remember that em old geeza's ave ad a life time of pullin punani an maybe ee is jus tryna pull uz ...

y don u jus get ova wif it an get jiggy wif eez old biltong dong, if uz so impressed by an old geeza en go 4 it... wud not recommend breedin though... uz gonna b a single mom sooner or later ...

maybe if uz stopped uz infactuation wif em geeza u may meet someone a bit more suited 2 uz age group oo az a bigger ead ... maybe uz jus blind cause all uz wont iz a biltong dong ... sorry uz fell 4 eem though ... its jus a waist of time but if uz into experience ... uz can honestly get it from eem, vigra an all that ... might work out 4 the next few years an men can reproduce into er 80's ... if ee makes it there ...

ow wud uz mom an dad react to uz bringin ome uz new boyfriend ... this must b a joke!

Reply to Dude
Posted by: Sue 2 | 2005/11/22

33 years!!! What a gap. Only advise I can give is:
If it feels right for you, go for it!!! You only live once..

Reply to Sue 2

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