Our expert says:
Hello BT, Pleased to hear you're feeling a mite better. The hurting thing is a puzzle --- one I recognize well, but still puzzling. What may happen, it seems, is that with psychological pain, one tends to find it leads to a sort of psychological fuse switching onn, called dissociation, and one feels little or nothing of it --- but that in turn tends to feel irritatingly "dead" and "blah", and some people turn to physical pain to try to snap back out of that dissociated empty unreal feeling. This is something I discussed a little whole back with another reader, and how some people I've worked with find it helps to substitute safer and less scarring methods --- the red pen, snapping a rubber band round one's wrist so it smacks sharply against the skin, whatever.
And physical pains may feel easier to handle as they're felt "out there" rather than "in here". Also, in a way, it may feel like taking charge, and replacing a situation in which one feels out of control, with one in which we feel more in control, because now it is US causing the pain.
It is imaginable that you are having some sort of echoes of your own earlier pain as your child reaches some of the ages and milestone which for you were associated with unpleasant experiences. One of your tasks will be to protect her from such negative experiences through childhood, one of the many reasons why its important that you remain around, and functioning well.
And have you noticed, as we do, that you are more lucid and eloquent when "babbling" than most politicians are when reading aloud a speech prepared by a professional speech-writer ?
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