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Question
Posted by: Beyond Tired | 2004/10/15

Thank you and just writing, some questions.

Hi CS,
Thanks for the advice, I am definitely going to make a great effort not to do anything, however I feel so dejected at the moment, thus writing, it is a good distraction. Everything has to work out in the end, I just wish that when I needed the damn family they had been there and not now, although maybe I do need them now too, just don't know.
Stepmom feels I must put the past in the past and carry on with my life. This is easier said than done, I have put some stuff behind me but others I can't seem to, they play constantly in my head and although wipe them out they come back. It is not as though it is there all the time, it is moments and times. I have again spoken to the people around me and asked that they not even offer me a drink, I can't seem to say no, but practicing. Didn't have anything last night and won't tonight or the weekend, really want to make a go of it, want some control back, even if this is only the drop in the bucket, it is a start.
The concern I have with my child is that there is so much they could use against me, even though she has most everything her little heart desires and everyone said's she's a well rounded little girl with lots of love in her heart, there are times that I hurt her, I scream at her for no reason, can't see to control this and then the drinnking bit didn't help, I also let her stay by friends more often than not, it just seemed easier and the pshychiatrist suggested I perhaps let her stay by someone else for a while, but when she is not with me, she doesn't fully understand, she wants to stay by friends and so forth but wants to see me, just to get a hug and a kiss and to be told "i love you". There isn't a day that goes by that I don't tell her that she is loved.
I am so scared of the consequences of my actions, my life. We have moved so often it is scary, that is why made the major debt of the house, some stability, but it hasn't been stable at all, all though the building obviously doesn't move, all else has fallen apart.
My life reads like a bad novel, there is so much hurt and pain and stupidty, the impulsiveness, the drinking, the men in my life, the situations I ended up in, 2nd time in a psychiatric hospital, suicide attempts. Always having borders but still not surviving. It doesn't make sense.
I'm babbling on again CS, so sorry. I am just so sad, so down and physically hurting that my heart feels very heavy, there is a sense of doom lurking and my feelings usually come true, it is frightening. Trying to relax, but can't.
Stopping now. Thanks

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Hi BT,
As the writing IS helpful, why not, in addition to writing here, keep a Journal in which you can write ( even more economically !) whenever you feel a need to do so ? And remember, those feelings of doom are reflecting a down mood, not predictive. If you climb into the doomy, gloomy feelings, you could make some of those bad feelings start to come true, but you don't need to accept their invitations.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: DG | 2004/10/15

Hey BT,
I have learnt a great lesson in life and that is that when we decide to accept something, and realise that it is the past and nothing can be done about it now, by altering our perception-we can just release what has been. Deal with the person you are today and figure out ways to improve who you are.
I know this may sound easier than done, all written words seem so simplistic-what we ourselves have to do is find ways in which we can use the advice we are given for our situation. By becoming disciplined in the way in which we think and the way we handle our emotions ourselves.
I have known schizophrenic people to live entirely without medication by reminding themselves that what they are experiencing and feeling is all a symptom and is really not part of who they are or part of their live-but part of the illness itself.
Its worth something to think about-Its how I sometimes keep myself alive.
I will be holding you in my thoughts dear friend, I hope things are better by monday. May some light find its way into your heart and lighten up your mind to realise how incredible you are.
Please take care of yourself ok!!
Hugs,
DG

Reply to DG
Posted by: Mindful | 2004/10/15

Dear BT,

I think it's good that you're writing about what's going on with you and getting it all out. I'm not very good at giving advice, but I do read all your postings and wish to myself that I knew what to say to you to help you feel better. I do understand about your frustration with your family at the moment. I sincerely hope that they don't do anything that will end up hurting you.
In the mean time, I will be thinking of you over the weekend, and I hope that you can be strong regarding saying no and all that. Lots of luck!

Reply to Mindful
Posted by: Q | 2004/10/15

Come on BT hang in there you are tuff girl, I know you can just kick that feeling in the bud!!!!! Thinking off you!!!!

Reply to Q

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