Posted by: P | 2008/07/25

Thank you

Thank you for answering my question.

I' m sorry that I keep writing you. I have no one else to talk to. My family knows nothing about my going to Canada. I live in a neighbour country and they think I' m going to visit them and come back. Only a brother knows I' m going to Canada instead but I tell him my boyfriend is the best person I know, so that he supports my decision.

But I' m confused. I really love my boyfriend. He left a comment on the Message Board of the band Alphaville 4 years ago. It was so beautiful that I contacted him. That' s how it began. Then I got to know more about him and wondered why he' s not married. I was about to commit suicide when I met him, he helped me and made me a more positive person. He wrote me everyday, a year later we started using a webcam and got to know what we looked like. I could always tell him my problems, he would always support me and sometimes even tell me I had to work harder for school. He always made me understand life is not easy and that complaining and doing nothing to improve things is not the way. He himself works a lot and is crazy about his work. He even likes to talk about it and that' s when his eyes sparkle most. It' s almost like a child talking about their favourite toy. Other things are cars and animals, that he also loves a lot.

Well, and that' s this boyish side of him that I really find irresistable. I also found it amazing the way he wanted to kiss me when we first met in person and the way he was so insecure to do it. I thought I was shy, but I guess he is even more. So I said I wanted that too. And he held me very close, as if he had never had a hug in life. Even when we made love (that too was VERY difficult, considering we were both so insecure) he cared more about kisses and hugs than sex. When it worked sexually (it took us 4 hours for me to lose my virginity - he was so afraid to hurt me), he would stop moving inside me and hug me so close that I almost could breathe and would stay very quiet for minutes and say how good it was to finally have me in his arms.

So to think he might have someone and all of this might be a lie. It makes me cry.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

You know, apart from the specific things you are talking about, it seems that you would be wise to broaden your range of friends and contacts, not to be so dependent on a handful of people for contact, support, affection, etc.
And Riley's right --- why not move this discussion to the Cybershrink Annex, where people have more time to discuss issues like this

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Our users say:
Posted by: Riley | 2008/07/25

P, there is a link to the Cybershrink Annex forum on the top of this page. Don' t you want to post there instead? It' s more of a venting forum than this CS page, but with the same qaulity of advice. I know from experience, there are some awesome people there who are willing to ' chat'  and are there for people ' who need to talk' .

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Posted by: P | 2008/07/25

I am crazy. Once after I had seen him naked on the webcam a few times, I started to wonder if he still loved me and wanted to provoke him and see his reaction, so I lied and said: " how do you know I am honest? I have put pictures of you naked on the web" . I thought he would insult me (and that' s what I deserved for doing such a stupid thing. But he said: " you are kidding, you wouldn' t do that"  but he looked like the world fell on his shoulders and started to cry.

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