Our expert says:
OK, there's no devil inside you, but it doesmsound as though you could benefit from some proper CBT counselling to beef up your coping skills when under stress, so you could make better choices when you feel under pressure. This is espeially important because apparently, due to your exposure to violence as a child, you have both not seen good examples of coping, and have developed an ambivalent atitude towards violence, and this, too, should be dealt with in counselling. Proper psychotherpay is something you need and deserve
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