Posted by: Mapstix | 2008/07/30

Temper Tantrums

Today I feel like such a bad parent not knowing how to handle my 15 month old daughter. After attending the funeral of precious Anri I feel that I should not be so hard on her but at the same time …  (let me first tell the situation).

My daughter is a very strong will redhead. I know every one is going to say, their LO is also like this, BUT even her schools says that she is very, very bad and that they haven’  t seen a child so strong willed in their lives.

She throws temper tantrums …  when she does not get her way …  I have done one of two things to handle this …  the one it totally ignore her –  this can go on for quite a while –  half and hour and she hurts herself badly in the process –  hitting her head against any hard object.

The second way that I handle it sometimes is picking her up and holding her tight and not letting her go even is she is hitting en slapping me until after normally 30 minutes she will become peaceful en lie with her head on my shoulder …  this happened last night again …  she wanted to feed herself creamed spinach and I gave her another bowl with spoon to “  play”  with but she wanted the spinach bowl –  I told her no and then she slapped my in my face several times –  then I took her and held her till she became peaceful and calm (30 minutes later) –  this feels so cruel to me –  BUT I REALLY don’  t know how to handle the situations anymore.

My last resort would be to see someone professional if the problem does not get any better.

I love my LO dearly and only wants the best for her ... her strong will is going to get her in big trouble on day if she does not know how to deal with it - or am I unrealistic? And she hurts herself if I do not give attention which is very scary for me.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Why not take her to see a child psychologist ( the school may be able to reccomend a good one ) for assessment and advice on how to introduce better discipline and helping her to learn that none of us get everything we want. 15 months is rather young for this sort of problem to arise. And the head-banging and self-injury is not something one can ignore. Her slapping you is odd, too ; and for a tantrum to last 30 minutes when you restrain her, is also more than one would expect.

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Our users say:
Posted by: sunflower | 2008/07/30

You' re a very good Mom. You are not talking badly of your daughter only seeking advice and its clear that you really love her cos if me or my siblings had done that when we were younger my Mom would have hit us. You' re doing well, don' t feel guilty for asking for help its the best thing you can do for your family.

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Posted by: Mapstix | 2008/07/30

Thank you Cybershrink –  I’ ve talked to a friend psychiatrist and she said my LO is too young to go to a Psychologist –  which was odd for me –  she recommended I go and see someone to learn how to deal with my LO’ s personality.

I’ ve tried everything ... more than once ... sometimes it work, sometimes not - but most of the time she will start kicking and screaming and hitting me ... I try talking but she will hit me in the face ... I try distracting her - but all she’ ll do is throw whatever I give her away and keep on with her tantrum until she gets her way with what se wanted. I always stay calm and talk softly to her - even last night - I was sweating while she was struggling with me and I just kept telling her in '  n soft voice that I love her - both me and her were soaking wet after she calmed down - so vicious was her "  attack"  .

Oh yes - and I do let her eat on her own - and just clean the mess up afterwards - but some nights - like yesterday ... I wanted her to finish eating because it was later than usual and she still had to bath ... she also has this way that she looks at you and you wish the earth will swallow you ... (she stares you down ) in the beginning I thought it was funny but now it is becoming very nasty because she will hit while staring you down ... I know I sound terrible talking about my child like this ... but believe me - I love her to bits and is trying to be the best mother I can ... only days like these that I feel I am doing a horrible job!

She has these reactions to her dad also. He had a 45 minutes episode once with her …  it is so draining.

Most of the time she will listen to you …  like going to bed, having to bath, eating …  her reaction only arises when you don’ t allow her to do something.

I will take your advice and take her to see a child psychologist.

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