Posted by: Unsure | 2010/04/25

Tell tale condoms

Im divorced with a duaghter of 12 + son of 8. Although by bf never sleeps over we do have sex, usually in my bed after the kids are settled. Afterwards he gets dressed + goes home. On Fri night we did the deed again, after he was gone I got rid of the evidence. Sat morning 7am my daughter came into my room with her coffee + found 2 unused condoms lying on the floor - obviously fell out of bf''s pocket. She said nothing - just put them on the bedside table right next to me. There was just this uneasy silence. I have''nt spoked 2 her about it yet + don''t really know how 2 handle this. She certainly knows what they r + what they''re used 4. How do I handle this situation?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

It would be important for your daughter to know that you are in a serious relationship with bf. At 12 years she would know enough about sex and condoms for you to be able to have an open discussion with her. You havent done anything wrong. However at this stage in her life the type of exmple you set for her can be very important to how she views sex, boys etc. You are divorced so you having a partner is not a crime. She is obviously seeing him home, and has already probably suspected your'l of having sex. What you would need to get across to her is that this isnt some random fling and that you are acting responsibly (by condomising). Ask her about her feelings and her opinions on the whole issue and take it from there. 12year olds are much smarter than we give them credit for so being open and honest might be your best option.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Woman | 2010/04/26

You know, you are absolutely right, at 12, she would probably know what a condom is and what it is used for. I''d say this would be a perfect opportunity to have a good old sex chat. Hopefully the first of many. Because if you do this right, then you will have a teen who is not afraid to talk about sex with her mom. Start off by saying - in a normal situation, like when you are cooking - " so I know you saw *insert man''s name* condoms. So you caught me, I''m having sex."  Either she''ll pull a face, or she''ll giggle.

In the talk, mention that sex is fun and that''s why you do it, but that you don''t sleep with everyone, and that condoms should be a must for any sexual relationship outside a marriage. Maybe she''ll throw a few questions at you, so remain open and relaxed about it.

Remember our kids take their sexual queues from us, so it''s really up to us to make sure that they know enough.

Reply to Woman
Posted by: two-stone | 2010/04/26

Good advice Boomsie

Reply to two-stone
Posted by: boomsie | 2010/04/26

well, she is 12, its a good age to discuss this with her.
she does understand that you and her dad no longer love each other, and that you need someone also in your life who can love you too.and that you have someone now, they dont have to call him daddy cause they only have one daddy.
and then you tell her only if she asks, that condoms are used to have safe sex, and one must always wear it for protection. she will then figgure the rest out for herself.

and woman, im glad your condomwise!

Reply to boomsie

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