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Question
Posted by: Mr D | 2007/03/15

Teens

My son is 16 years old. I'm worried, because it is the 3rd time that he lied to me about small things but it can become a problem. He said that he was affraid to ask me the truth and that I would say no to him, so he rather lied.
I'm I to strickt to have sertain rules for my children, or is it normal by Teens do such things.

I need some help please.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageTeen expert

Hi,

teens will keep certain things from their parents and this is very normal as they develop and need a sense of their own privacy, but without knowing what it is that was kept from you i am not able to comment on whether this is serious or not. however, promoting honesty as well as the belief that you will listen first without over-reacting should help to keep the dialogue going between you. your son has moved into a different life stage and your reactions will need to move with this so that your relationship stays open and strong - as well as maintaining those times where even when he doesnt like it you will have to say no!

best wishes

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Jay | 2007/03/16

Thanks for the particularly pointless comment Sandra - hope you have a lekker weekend now...

My curfue with my folks was 12am from about the age of 16 and up unless I was sleeping over. I've chatted to some youngsters these days and i can promise you know you don't know the half of it when it comes to what the youth get involved in when they're underage - everyone experiments with everything around that age.

That said, if you become too paranoid and protective you will push your child away. Striking the balance is key: let them know you're concerned and that you know that they would like to try things like alcohol etc. Promise them you won't be angry if they have and you'd rather know than be stuck in the dark. If they have a sense of responsibility instilled in them and you can reaffirm that they are a great kid without the need for alcohol/drugs then they will probably only end up trying a bit for the experience and then move on and it will be on their own accord.

Have a great weekend!
Ciao, J

Reply to Jay
Posted by: Dad | 2007/03/16

Hi Mr D,
Ignore the 'Rude' one...she seriously has no manners!
Jay has it 'spot on'! Somehow I get the feeling that you are not 'friends' with your boy, and thus he does not trust you to tell you the truth.
23h00 is dead right in my books for a 16 year old. In fact if it suits me, my boy comes home at 22h30, but other nights I let him stay out till 24h00. He is 17. He is not allowed to places that sell alcohol, or the likes, and I know where he is...well I hope so. It's all about trust, and somehow I sense that this is missing with your boy. You need to build this type of relationship with him, then all of this will be much easier to negotiate. Please don't get me wrong, I still have major arguements from time to time...that's par for the course. They will always try you to see how far the elastic can be stretched. Make compromises occassionally, and then the next time you can negotiate on your terms, and so it goes.
Best of Luck..!!

Reply to Dad
Posted by: Mr D | 2007/03/16

Sandra,

How old are you? and do you have children?

Reply to Mr D
Posted by: sandra | 2007/03/16

Do you inspect his underwear too, to see if he has made a boo boo?

Get a life, Mr D... i take it the 'D' stands for Douche bag?

Reply to sandra
Posted by: Mr D | 2007/03/16

Thank you for information.

Is 11:00 a fair time to be in over weakends?

Reply to Mr D
Posted by: Jay | 2007/03/15

Rules are good but if you're being too strict then kids will always do things behind your back whether you like it or not.

My parents had rules for me but they trusted me to make relatively informed decisions - so i had a fair amount of freedom. I knew if i ever had a problem that I could talk to them about it and I think that it the most important thing for a child to know - I've told my parents about the naughty/bad things I had done because i felt comfortable doing so. I think the biggest thing for my parents was my personal safety and as long as I informed them if plans changed they were completely cool with it.

Another thing, when you have to say no, give a PROPER reason - saying "because I said so" is by far the worst response. If you can give your child a chance to negotiate and reason with you, you'll find that mutual respect can grow substantially because you are treating them like an adult.

I think the best thing a parent can do for their child is give them a good morale upbringing and instill a sense of responsibility. Beyond that you can do nothing but let things take it's course and when/if the shit hits the fan then be there there to help clean things up.

That's my take on it anyway - I'm turning 21 this year so make of it what you will. I hope you manage to sort out the issues with your son :)

Ciao
J


Reply to Jay
Posted by: Mr D | 2007/03/15

I need the reply.

Reply to Mr D
Posted by: Mr D | 2007/03/15

My son is 16 years old. I'm worried, because it is the 3rd time that he lied to me about small things but it can become a problem. He said that he was affraid to ask me the truth and that I would say no to him, so he rather lied.
I'm I to strickt to have sertain rules for my children, or is it normal by Teens do such things.

Reply to Mr D
Posted by: Mr D | 2007/03/15

Mr D question

Reply to Mr D

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