Posted by: e | 2007/06/18

teenager problems

my daughter is 15. i'm sick of worrying over her. i wish i could just let go and say i don't care anymore, do what you want. she is most of the times moody (except for when she gets her way). aggresive towords me and very selfish. i know that is typical signs of a teenager but i'm tired. i'm also working and everyday after school she moans that there is nothing in the house to eat. there is plenty food but she needs to make it, like pitza, burgers, sandwiches etc. every month i beg her to go with me to the shop so that she can choose her own food, but no it is to much hassles for her. she over likes boys. i dread that she might go further. i've already said to her that if she wants to go on the pill she must talk to me (this is very much against my upbringing). we try and give her what she wants / needs and also lots of love and encouragement. she has in the past gotten drunk a few times (luckily not anymore) and i'm always scared when she goes out. she can't keep good friends, they always fight and call each other horrible names. i always tell her to ignore them and move on with her life. i love her very much but i don't like her sometimes. i wish she could just grow up now and start to see what we really mean to her and what we do for all our kids. we don;t want praises every day, but a little appreciation will come in handy. as i said i'm sick and tired of a difficult teenager. sometimes i just want to lock myself in a room and forget about all her needs and demands.

am i selfish?. maybe but a parent can only take this much.

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Our expert says:
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No, you're not being selfish ; she is. This sounds like the sort of discipline problem Supernanny on DSTV deals with very well indeed. Ignore her completely when she moans, eg about nothing to eat --- if she's too lazy to make food for herself, let her be hungry. You are her mother, not her servant. You make a wise distinction between loving her and liking her. Make a clear se of rules which you and your husband will apply in the same manner. NO demands will be met --- requests will be considered. Ad she must have a set of duties and chores to do, to earn her keep --- she's not intended to be a parasite just sitting and shouting and getting everything she wants. Maybe consulting a psychologist personally would help you gain enough confidence to do this, and to plan a suitable set of rules and practices to control these situations.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Wow? | 2007/06/18

After reading all this, i feel so much beter!

I honestly started to believe that my 20 year old son is a phychopath! Basicly all the same problems.

At 19 we basicly forced him out of the house, because we could not live with his demands anymore. We even paid his flat, just to let him move. That how bad is got.

Things are still not at all perfect, but one thing I know - we will never allow him to move back again.

Cant wait for him to GROW UP.

You have my sympathy. It's not easy, i know. Sharing this with us, helped me indeed.

Only advice I have is to try being her friend, but stay in control as her mom. Dont EVER let her rule over you

Good luck

Reply to Wow?
Posted by: Maria | 2007/06/18

Oh boy, I'm several years away from having a teenager and I truly hope I come across good answers to your problems before then...
Fed up mum, you remind me of the saying that grandchildren is your reward for not killing your teenagers.

Reply to Maria
Posted by: fed up mum | 2007/06/18

Funnily enough I was going to post something this morning about my teenage daughter, but seeing as we are on the topic of teenagers I may as well have my say here. My daughter is now 19. I really thought that by now her moods would have subsided but they simply have not. I have to judge what kind of mood she's in just to know if I can ask her a simple question like for instance "how are you" - if I can see she's in a bad mood I simply don't say it or anything else for that matter because I know I'll get a sarcastic reply or nasty - but it hurts. I love her dearly and she is great to be with if in the right mood, but the right mood is seldom apparent. When she comes home the house is turned into chaos as she is so terribly untidy - her room looks like a hurricane has gone through it and she leaves food all over the place. Her own flat is such a mess I really don't know how she can bear to live in it. I keep complaining about the mess but it normally turns into an argument - she knows how I feel about it but simply will not change. I'm pretty house proud and I cant stand it if the place is in a mess - but I leave her room because of the fights - just close the door so I dont have to see it. Everything becomes so demakar when she's at home and I just wish she would now begin to grow up and act responsibly because all of my concerns are justified and I just want her to know that you cant go through life like this. She has always been this way by the way, but I just hope and pray that she changes. My son was never moody or untidy like this. You know the saying. Question "why did God make teenagers so unbearable" Answer "So you don't mind so much when they leave home" - true in many instances.

Reply to fed up mum
Posted by: Yello | 2007/06/18

Hi e

I have a 16 year old son, and believe me I sometimes think that if I could go back I would have rather bought a puppy! Yes we love them, but we also must make it very clear that they are not our masters. I like feeling that my son and I are friends but only to a point. If he starts treating me like I owe him a living then I put my foot down and the parent comes out. I wish I new of the perfect balance but I think each family needs to figure that out. Don't let her boss you around. Don't take her moods so personally. Tell her when she is taking advantage of you! You have to TEACH them to be socially acceptable, kind, to show empathy... they don't have these qualities naturally. Tell her that you love her but sometimes don't like her! She must earn your love the same way you earn hers, by being respectful, by showing concern for you and your husband. Demand it. Go out on a date night with your husband and spoil yourself a little and stop letting a "child" make you miserable. Show them oodles of love, but dont let them boss you around.

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