Our expert says:
Teenagers sometimes do things like that, especially when they feel hard done by ( realistically, or due to their unrealistic expectations ) --- and when they want attention. Drawing silly satanistic symbols is a highly efficient way to freak out older folks. And shame, idealizing the bimbos of the Playboy mansion --- that's like idealizing the fluff that gathers under the sideboard. She needs to be reminded that she is doing nobody a favour by allowing others to look after her. If she truly doesn't eat, she won't retain that wonderful body she's proud of.
It sounds like she lives within no organized and consistent system of rules, and needs to be handled like the kids in Supernanny. A set of rules for the important things ( don't sweat the little things ) , to be applied consistently by all adults in the house, with penalties she can expect, depriving her for a time of whatever she values --- no phone-calls to the friends, no going out at night, whatever.
Make it clear that so long as she keps within these reasonable rules she can indeed be "left alone" --- but when she breaks the rules, she is inviting the negative attention she says she doesn't want. It IS a good sign that she is bothered by your email still --- presumably that indicates that she likes to think of herself in a more positive way than the way you portrayed her in the email. But the snag with such messages is that usually, you have bottled up the illfeeling for so long, that that is usually all that pours out, and the message doesn't leave room for redemption, nor does it usually emphasize what she does or can do right.
What one needs is a good cop / firm but fair cop approach --- but like all good cops, that only works within a system of law and rules.
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