Posted by: Anonymous | 2009/07/27

Teenage sex

Why is it wrong/bad for high school children to have SAFE sex?

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Our expert says:
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A highly controversial and complex question. As CT mom points out, below the age of legal consent, it is a criminal matter, whether or not you think it potentially harmless, so it needs avoidance from that point of view.
Them there's the point that there's really no such thing as Safe sex, only Safer sex --- ways of doing it which are safer than some other ways. There are still risks of STD, HIV, pregnancy.
To me there are other significant issues. One becomes physically capable of sex LONG before one is emotionally mature and competent enough to handle the feeling that inevitably arise, or to avoid exploiation. And it also rushes one into the arid plains of adulthood and diminishes the already shrinking time spent on the important tasks of childhood. Maybe this is one reason we nowadays see so many people, into their 30's or later, behaving like irresponsible pre-adolescents.
You cannot strictly prevent it happening, and being too fierce about forbidding it may simply make it secretive and more likely to end in grief. Best maintain communications as open as possible, to remain able to help. Make sure they are fully informed about the many possible consequences. And in this as in other contexts, encourage them to feel free to resist peer pressure, and not to do anything they don't really want to do, just because " everyone else is doing it".

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Our users say:
Posted by: Kay in Gtown | 2009/07/28

Sorry, I should have added that I don' t think it is wrong, but that it' s hopefully after age 16, given the issue of statutory rape.

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Posted by: Kay in Gtown | 2009/07/28

I agree with you both, CTMom and anonymous  my first time was pretty awful too (although it was at least safe) - and back then we didn' t have HIV yet. I think as parents we' d all prefer that it be later rather than sooner!

My daughter was 17 (she' s now 19). She had been in a steady, very loving relationship, for 5-6 mths, with a great guy who was in the same grade as her, at a boy' s school. They did matric together. She came to tell me beforehand (I think one of the greatest compliments I' ve ever had)...

My take is that one can either be against and " forbid"  or one can support. They will do it anyway, no matter how we feel.

My daughter understood about safe sex, as did her boyfriend and it was the first time for both of them. So it would happen in the context of much love on both parts, they were responsible about it, were both going on to university and both very sure that they did NOT want a baby or any STDs and would do whatever they could to avoid it.

Could I have wished for a better context...?

Reply to Kay in Gtown
Posted by: CTMOM | 2009/07/28

High School ages range from 13 - 18. I assume you referring to the legal age from 16-18.

As a mother, I dread my child having sex in High School. I fear unwanted pregnancies, diseases, reputations being ruined. Sex is not a new toy, it should be respected. If my child " dated"  the same child for 2 years and they ended up sleeping together in their matric year I would feel much better about it than if they were dating for 2 months.

Once your virginity is gone, its GONE. Most of my friends, including me, regret how and when we gave ourselves up and wish we would have done it different, That' s the curse of hindsight I guess.

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