Posted by: lady nina | 2004/11/09

teenage daughter

hi there

i would like some input from you guys

my eldest daughter is turning 12 next month and i want to make it something every special , since it's the start of the teenage years where i might feel like we lost each other

the purpose of this celebration should be for her to see,know and believe that the family loves and supports her and that she is now moving on in life with new things ,i want the aunts and cousins to share with her things from our teenage years to show her that we all make mistakes and felt stupid and had our hearts broken, i want to specially share with her the new freedom she will be given and that is can only be enjoyed if she is responsible, most of all i want her to know that NO MATTER what she does we will alway love and accept her but she will have to face the consequenses of her action

i was thinking of a engish tea party or maybe sending her for a facial and all the other stuff we ladies do.

any fun and doo ideas will be welcome


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Our expert says:
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Sounds like a brilliant concept, lady nina, the snag bing to find the right format and content to convey the message you want. A sort of rites of passage, but in modern terms. Maybe combine your first ideas, starting with a pampering facial or whatever, then a tea party for the larger family, briefed to each make a short contribution along the lines you propose, in keeping with your larger message ? Sounds just the sort of excellent and creative idea that fits the lady nina we have come to know. And I suspect that at this stage, she'd appreciate some aspects of the event ( having had the teen party with her friends, earlier ) to be something she'd feel was more sophisticated and adult. signalling her new status and responsibilities.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Chelle | 2004/11/09

The way to show her your unconditional support as you mentioned, is to firstly ask her exactly what she wants to do. I doubt many 12 year olds want tea parties at all. They love their families and their parents, but friends are key, and parties are about friends and excitement and presents - it's not about older peoples experiences - but I might be wrong - I am generalising.
Give her the responsibility of planning the party and deciding what she wants to do. Make it feel as though it's her party and that she is capable of having good ideas too.
My daughters got the special party on turning 13 - it was a day out with friends, ice skating, ten pin bowling, (the choice was theirs) ending with scary movies and a sleepover, and they both remember their parties with such fondness.
They get big so quickly hey? :)

Reply to Chelle
Posted by: Bull | 2004/11/09

Then I would say go for the teaparty.

It's also a good thing that you teach your children that family is very important.

My sister's daughter is like a sister to us all (well she thinks we are her sisters) and when she turned 18 my sister asked her what she wanted to do and she said "Ag, let us 6 sisters (meaning her aunts because she's a only child) go out for the evening! Wel, we took it as a compliment that she wanted to spend her special night with 5 old ladies but it was a great night out with lots of laughter.

You can even have a picknick at a Botanical Garden. Perhaps you can ask each adult you invite to write a little piece of whisdom in a birthday card and let her read it to you all.

A fondu is also so great and cheep. Perhaps you can have a fondu party and afterwards have a chocolate fondu for desert. Let your daughter be the hostess for the evening. And for the fun of it everyone must dress smart just to make it a great evening.

Reply to Bull
Posted by: lady nina | 2004/11/09

hi bull

thx - yes she will have a party with her friends but because it's it's in the school holidays, she has it looonnng before the time - she never has a birthday party on her actual birthday because all the friends are gone

i feel 12 is a turning pioint in a child life and like the jews and other religions i think we should have some kind of ceremony

it's very easy to give advice on this site but believe me a totally different thing to lead by example - specially the teenage years where a child want independance and freedom and
and all i want to do it lock her in a tower and keep her protected and safe -


Reply to lady nina
Posted by: Bull | 2004/11/09

I don't have children but I've been 12 in my life.

The teaparty sound okey because I gather you also want to invite the aunts and uncles. But it's also a very dull way to spend your 12th birthday.

Why don't you have the teaparty in the morning and then let her have a lekker teenage party in the evening? If it's impossible to have a party at your house (don't forget that you can have a great party in the garage) then let them go out for dinner and a movie on her own because she's now all grown-up.

Or ask her what she want to do and work round it.

Lady Nina, don't worry about your daughter. From what I've got to know of you on the site, I'm sure you are a perfect mother and I am sure your daughter know how much you love her and that you will always be there for her. No harm in telling her again I'm sure.

Good luck.

Reply to Bull

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