Our expert says:
At 13, she is no baby, and is responsible for her choices. And if she breaks things, and disobeys her own father's rules only when he is away, she is not showing him much respect, as well, of course, as showing little respect to you. And if the Kempton Park relative has stopped inviting her to visit, her misbehaviour is probably not only aimed at you.
Divorced or bereaved parents often feel guilty and make the big mistake of then spoiling the child, without realizing that NOT to give a child a kindly but firm and consistent code of conduct and good behaviour is in itself abusive.
And it is also common that children, especially of thjis age, resent ANY other woman in their father's life and may try hard to break up such relationships. Don't confront him - confrontation is rarely a useful method - but try to have a calm discussion about how unhappy his daughter seems to be ( if you don't sound as though you are accusing her or him or doing something wrong, he is more likely to listen )talking about how this misbehaviour on her side suggests she is unhappy about sharing him with anyone, and that this is not only shown in her behaviour towards you but also towards others. See what he thinks about that point of view, and even think about whether it would be useful for the child to see a counsellor for a few sessions to work this out
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