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Question
Posted by: Anon | 2007/04/10

Teen Parenting

Pls help..

My sister is 37 yrs old and has a 17 year old daughter. She is very uncontrollable,she goes out every night,come back at 1 am during the week,neglects her school work,goes out with this boy that doesn't go to school or work.She doesn't listen to her mother and now we suspect she's pregnant.
How do you discipline some one like that,How can you punish her..I have spoken to her so many times about contraception,condoms,std's and aids,and she swore that she wasn't having sex. I even offered to take her to the clinic to get pills and bought condoms ,left them where she could find them...She still went out to have sex without protection,how do we get through to teenagers?

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Our expert says:
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Punishment isn't the issue --- she sounds like she's very busy punishing herself, even if she hasn't realized this yet. While the mother can still have some control, she needs to get this daughter into proper counselling. Purple's response is particularly helpful

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2
Our users say:
Posted by: Purple | 2007/04/11

Discipline would be not to allow her to go out on school nights, insists. To ensure that her weekend activities are with people her mother knows and that she herself fetches her in the evenings.

Instilling discipline starts at around the age of two - not giving in to tantrums, being consistent - it sets the scene for what is tolerated as children grow older.

I also agree about learning consequences - that is the most effective lesson ever. My three year old knows if he throws his juice down in a tantrum - he will be cleaning it up (juice got thrown down twice and he ahs never done it again).

Punishing the teenager is not going to help - she is already pregnant - punishment should be to stop a behaviour from happening before it gets out of hand - its too late to ground her or cut her allowance now - and isn't punishment a bit puny in the face of this.

As angry as her mother is, she needs to sit her daughter down and tell her she will be there for her. Take her for counselling and let HER decide whether she wants to have an abortion, give the baby up for adoption or keep the baby - the counsellor should be able to clearly guide her through what these options will ential emotionally, physically and financially. Her mother should not be present through them. The teen is going to have to live with the decision she makes and if she isn't going to lay blame on her mother, she needs to be in no doubt that she made the decision without pressure.

If she isn't pregnant, then its time to draw a line in the sand and put some rules in place. the teenager also needs to start excercising some basic courtesy.

No contraceptive is foolproof so pregnancies still happen when you use contraceptives. A corectly used condom is 97% effective. The pill is 99% effective if taken correctly. She might have been using contraceptives.

With regard to STD's - she's a teenager - she KNOWS it won't happen to her - don't we all think that until our mid twenties?

Reply to Purple
Posted by: lady nina | 2007/04/10

hi there

personally i think a child between the ages of 10 and 13 has to learn only one think - consequences
that every action that take will have a consequence
i think you have 3-4 years to teach a child this important princible
if you missed this window of opportunity then you pretty much missed the boat
she has to learn this on the streets
but while parents and teachers and family is protecting her from the consequences then she will never learn

my mom kicked me hubby and a 5 month old baby in to the streets - it took me years to learn the lesson
but it was the nest thing she every did for me - she is my best friends

nina

Reply to lady nina

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