Posted by: Jess | 2004/10/12

Techniques to control jealousy

Hi, I need to find practical ways to defeat jealousy. Mu husband is an absolute flirt, but I don't believe he's cheating on me - yet. I'm afraid he might if I am anymore unbearable because of jealousy! I would prefer for him to leave me, rather than cheat, but he's simply not the type not to take FULL advantage of having his "bread buttered on both sides", because he also happens to be extremely arrogant, believing thorougly that he is God's personal gift to women. Help. I am a very strong person, it is just this particular aspect I am having profound trouble dealing with - how do I maintain my calm and composure even when he's flirting right in front of me? How do I manage to be the better person in these emotionally intense situations? I feel indignified everytime he does it - and then I imagine what he does behind my back if cassa nova is how he acts in front of me?

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Our expert says:
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Counselling would be the answer, to better understand the roots of your strong sense of jealousy, and to discover how best to deal with it. And to what extent have you discussed this with him, such as saying ( not looking for an argument ) --- have you realized how hurtful it feels to me when I see you flirting with other women ? Shelly's comments are practical and useful --- and graceful.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Shelly | 2004/10/12

Hey Jess,

Thanks for the compliment. Wow, I am totally flabbergasted. If you need or want to talk anytime, here's my email. It's:

shelly_bees at hotmail dot com

Thank you again!

Reply to Shelly
Posted by: Jess | 2004/10/12

Shelly, your advice is incredible, thank you. I've always been made to feel insignificant when I speak to my husband about this issue. I guess one does need a graceful woman's perspective. You got style, girl, thanks a hell of a lot!

Reply to Jess
Posted by: Mona | 2004/10/12

I would flirt right back with other men, and give him some of his own medicine, buy new clothes, change your hair, get colour contact lenses, wear expensive perfume, go home late, go to work early, anything to make him jealous too!

Reply to Mona
Posted by: Shelly | 2004/10/12


You cant think of what he "might or might not do" behind your back. That will drive you crazy, cause sleepless nights, and cause a problem between you and your husband.

What I find helps is when my boyfriend and I are out and he gets chatty to other women, I get jealous but remember that at the end of the evening or function or whatever, you are the one that goes home with him after all. Try sending him an sms telling him how good he looks and how he makes you feel special.
Also work out a little signal that only the two of you know, so that when you are in a situation like that, you can signal him and he knows that it's just for him, and he has one for you.

And if it still doesnt work, like it sometimes doesnt. make your presence as his wife known. Walk in holding his hand or on his arm and occasionally walk up to him where he is talking and introduce yourself to her and talk to her a bit. The key though is not to make it too obvious that you are "raining on his parade". You should try and look as cool and casual and as nonplussed as you can about this.

Perhaps he is doing it to rub you up the wrong way or get a reaction from him.. Remember that you can flirt too....

Good luck Girl.

Reply to Shelly

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