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Question
Posted by: Buzz | 2005/11/17

Swinging

CS, as a psychiatrist with many years of experience, I'd like to know what your take is on swinging.

I believe, very strongly, that the foundation of any relationship, should be based exclusivity, if it's not, there no longer is a relationship (my opinion).

Even if 2 partners are willing to participate in this activity, what value can it add to their relationship? Surely it can only damage the trust, respect and pride between two partners.

My question to you is, (if you have any stats, or just from your experience, working with couples), what is the success rate of marriages / relationships, once the couple has engaged in this activity, or continue to engage in this?

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Our expert says:
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Swinging is, at best, a trivial social activity with a high potential for worsening whatever problems the individual participants started with. It is NEVER EVER part of any wholesome, strong, committed relationship. And it can never help a troubled relationship ( and never seems to occur outside of a troubled relationship

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: A | 2005/11/18

As jy swing, steek jy 'n grens verby van wat normaal en aanvaarbaar is, jy gaan heeltemal verby die normale grense van liefde en trouheid, daar MOET net eenvoudig skade kom. Dit is nie normaal nie. Ek sou selfs kon redeneer dit is meer normaal om dan eerder jou maat te verneuk met een persoon as om voor hom of haar met iemand seks te hê. Ek weet van 'n geval waar die kinders op die swingery afgekom het en die dogter die een vrou met 'n mes aangerand het. Hierdie dinge kan net lei tot groot ongelukkigheid. Bly weg!

Reply to A
Posted by: Tango | 2005/11/18

I a a broad minded open, free thinking person about life, sex and all matters! But I have to say that swinging for me is dangerous play. I have not done so but many of my friends have and in each case at least one person felt really awful afterwards. A few of them had to seek some councelling to work through the emotions afterwards that cropped up.

Me, well I am a woman that just prefers an exclusive partnership and will throw myself into that heart, body and soul!!

Have a good day everyone!!

Reply to Tango
Posted by: Ters | 2005/11/17

Frosty, jy is classic........doen so voort!!
Jy maak my dag (gewoonlik..)

Reply to Ters
Posted by: Juzlisen | 2005/11/17

Heck no - No swinging from trees, branches or with other people, no way will I get into that, whether that person is my partner, fling or whatever - sex is a sacred act - between two people who have a mutual, love, trust and respect for each other. Nuff said from me.
I just dont believe that it belongs in any relationship. No matter how freaky you are...
Eish that just does not swing with me.........

Reply to Juzlisen
Posted by: Caz | 2005/11/17

Doc, u have to give us a profesional view on this...

Reply to Caz
Posted by: ... | 2005/11/17

I think that provided BOTH people really feel the same way about swinging, from a moral and emotional perspective, and everything else in the relationship is fine, then it can work........ I think however, that this is extremely rare though....... in most cases it is one party being convinced by another.... and one party is doing it to please the other......... which is definitely a big no-no in my books.....

Reply to ...
Posted by: Buzz | 2005/11/17

Slr, I could be wrong, and this is just my opinion. If a couple stay together unhappily, even though they don't seperate or divorce, surely the relationship isn't a success.

You're right, if the relationship was strong, I doubt whether swinging would have been considered. So like you say, swinging might be a (voluntary) symptom of another cause.

What I meant by success rate is: if a couple engaged in swinging and stop for whatever reason, can their marriage ever be HAPPY again? I'm talking respect, honour, trust, loyalty etc.

I find this topic very interesting, and think it has everything to do with the way we were raised.

Reply to Buzz
Posted by: ... | 2005/11/17

here's my other thoughts about this....... sex isn't the reason people are together, or is it?........ how many people out there will say they reason they are in a relationship is because the sex is good, or they need exclusive sex?.... but any suggestion within that relationship not to be exclusive creates total chaos........ i'm definitely not into threesomes or swinging.... I enjoy the exclusivity of my relationship totally.... and it would hurt me if my partner decided to have sex with someone else..... but maybe the reason i would feel hurt is because i believe that if he has sex with someone else that means he finds me less attractive or exciting........ but is that really the case?....i mean he could just want a certain experience and that desire is actually no reflection on anything about me is it?... so why are we so scared (besides diseases.... of our partners having sex with another)... . damn........ my mind can go around with all these thoughts........ drives me crazy at times!!! ..... think i should just get back to work again!!!!!

Reply to ...
Posted by: Tiekie | 2005/11/17

Frosty jy't nog nooit gehoor van "meds" nie ?

Reply to Tiekie
Posted by: slr | 2005/11/17

ja but Buzz, what do you define as 'success' rate of marriages? is it staying together even though being unhappy, or being happy together, or what?

and how do you know it is the swinging that destroyed the relationship.....it might have been the disrespect and boredom and lack of committment that caused the breakup, even long before they had the threesome. The 3some might only have been a symptom of the relationship going down the drain, not the cause.

anyways....i hate 3somes. in most cases, i believe, once it is suggested , you might as well split up.

Reply to slr
Posted by: Buzz | 2005/11/17

Very interesting point ... , I agree with much of what you're saying.

Reply to Buzz
Posted by: Frosty | 2005/11/17

Goeie waarneming Dotjies.

Reply to Frosty
Posted by: ... | 2005/11/17

Thanks Buzz... it's a very interesting question. I would also like to know this! .... What I am also interested in though, is how much of the difficulty experienced within the relationship is due to personal moral beliefs and/ or those based on what society expects.....i.e.. if we weren't brought up to believe in sexual exclusivity would it still be damaging?..... I always grapple with trying to understand whether things we believe and choices we make are based on what we have brought up to believe and brought up to see a "normal human practice"..... and what is truly what we as human beings actually want to do.... especially with regard to sexuality and relationships.
I also think that swinging is different to non-monagamy or polyamory....... and some people see this as the same thing.... it's a very interesting topic to me....... actually.... i just love people......... and think i am totally in the wrong field altogether!..........

Reply to ...
Posted by: Caz | 2005/11/17

Would love to know as well...

Reply to Caz
Posted by: Frosty | 2005/11/17

Haai Buzz. Goeie vraag daar. Sal ook laaik om te hoor wat die Dok se opinie is. Ek selwers dink dat selfrespek en respek vir mekaar in sy peetjie is met so 'n verhouding. As jy iemand liefhet wil jy dit nie met 'n klomp anner mense deel nie.

Reply to Frosty

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