Posted by: Naive | 2008/08/25

suspect my husband has sex with man

Married for 23 years but have not had sexual relations for past 10.
I encouraged counselling and talking about the problem, but have now just given up. I recently became suspicious after reading some sms between my husband and a male employee. When i confronted him he said it was a joke: He now empties his inbox every day. They go away together over the weekends to " work" 
He leaves the room when the guy phones him. I found blood stains on the sleeping bag and when asked him about it, he became vague and dismissive. Am I in denial - would these signs be obvious to anyone else...difficult for me to be objective. What do you think I should do???

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Our expert says:
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Counselling would obviously have been the route to go, but if he has refused ( maybe because he was concerned that his other interests may have emerged ? ) that was not an option. From your listing of suspicious signs, it hardly seems that you are in deniail but more as though your husband is. I agree with Garfield. "Confrontation" is hugley over-rated as a technique ; but a calm discussion of your concerns and the way he has been sending you confirmatory signals, may be more useful

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Our users say:
Posted by: Anon | 2008/08/27

Yep, he sounds like a backslapper to me!!

Reply to Anon
Posted by: Garfield | 2008/08/26

I don' t suggest that you confront your husband or his friend.

Rather speak to your hsband about your concerns, which I definitely think are valid. Have you ever spoken about the lack of sex ... 10 years is very very very long time?!

Reply to Garfield
Posted by: MrB | 2008/08/25

I think that you have the right to worry/wonder. In my opinion, your hubby a doing a " brokeback mountain " on you.

Alarm bells should have rang for the mere fact that you have not had sex for 10 years...That leand me to wonder what sort of bond and quality time you have together.

I suggest that you confront him and his male friend.

Good luck and sorry

Reply to MrB

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