Posted by: Midlife Crisis Hell | 2009/03/25


Hi there, are there any support groups for the above. I have been going through my husband' s midlife crisis for almost 5 years and am almost at the end of my rope. We have been through the whole thing, dyeing of the hair, tattoos (at 40!), dieting (never been overweight a day in his life) running, cycling, golf, pubs with mates, change in attitude, and finally the creme de la creme an affair with a much younger woman. Needless to say this has been a very heartbreaking time for both of us. He is just as confused by his behaviour as I am. He insists that he does not want a divorce and that he loves me. She knew him before she began to persue him and knew that he was married with 2 children, this obviously made no difference to her (and no he did not tell me this himself).

The affair was ended the day i found out, she just found it hard to let go and he eventually had to tell her, more than once to stop contacting him. He is just very confused about what he wants out of life. Some people say that a Mid Life Crisis is just an excuse for men to behave badly, having lived through this, I dont believe that, i have seen how this has hurt him as well.

Having said that I am tired of waiting for him to come back from his running, golf, cycling etc and waiting for him to get over this, and all my friends live either far away or are married with young families of their own (our daughters are aged 20 and 17 this has also had a very negative affect on them as they are old enough to understand the pain of betrayal). I have committed to making this work, we have been married for almost 22 yrs and were high school sweethearts, so for me divorce is definately not an option, you dont just throw away 26 years of your life because your husband is going through something like this.

I need to talk, go for coffee, have a b!tching session with some people who know what i am going through, I live in the Edenvale area in Johannesburg, any takers?

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Our expert says:
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I don't know of any such support group -- the Anxiety Depression Support Group ( number on this page ) may know. If there isn't one, maybe you should start one ? But surely, especially if, as you say, h reconizes that this is all wrong and foolish --- he should see a shrink for assessment and therapy to learn to stop this and resume a more genuinely satisfying mode of life within his existing marriage.
Maybe, as you suggest, someone should franchise a series of bitching / venting sessions for people in various annoying situations.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Mom of a midlife crisis son in law | 2014/01/08

My daughter is currently 2 years down the line with a husband in midlife crisis. So hard to understand the total personality change of someone who was loving and caring and adored his children to the uncaring abusive monster she is living with at the moement. But as a product of a divorsed family she is trusting that if she can stay the course the outcome will justify the pain. The hard thing throughout is the balance of can I hang in there and is the damage being done to the children too great to be repaired. I just support and tell her she must go with God places in her heart and we will stand with her whatever.

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Posted by: nay | 2009/03/26

5 years! OMG! mine has just been going for 1 year and I' m married for 13 years with 3 children.also a girl far younger than he.the secretary. how do they sleep at night? my husband has moved out last year May.I am praying for him to come home.the kids are too.they are still son is taking it very hard coz daddy used to take him fishing and camping.lady i say change within yourself. just you try to color your hair or go away for weekends or something out of the ordinary, then you' ll see.i' m not saying stoop to his level, but even if you go on a fake weekend away. book yourself into a clinic and tell no one. a bitching session will help, but the problem is still gonna be there. what you need is to find a way to live with the situation while you' re waiting for change.I salute you for your bravery in taking it for so long.i too was on the verge of divorcing him, but cancelled it.what kind of christian would i be if i did not obey God' s commands. I read my bible, i pray, but i do not apply the word &  do the opposite of what i pray for.that is hypocrecy.i am not a hypocrete.i pray &  believe that my God will answer my prayers and deliver my husband from his sinfull is a phase and it will end. good luck &  God bless.

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Posted by: Midlife Crisis Hell | 2009/03/25

Hi there CS thank you for the prompt response. I have suggested counselling on more than one occassion, and his response is always, I dont want to go to councelling, i need to work this out on my own. He is very old school and is the " strong and silent"  type who believes that telling his problems to strangers is not going to get him anywhere. He even has difficulty opening up to me.

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