Posted by: EL | 2008/09/23

Surrogate mother

I think it' s called a surrogate mother. Well, my cousin and his wife have been struggling to have a baby, they' ve gone for everything possible and they did not succeed. I know that she really wants a baby. I feel that I really need to do something good for someone, especially because they are family. I want to make someone happy, I want to see someone happy and I want to help someone to be happy. My mother doesn' t think that it' s a good idea, because I' m still young (24) and a body to take care of. I already have a child of my own and my body is still looking good after I had my son. She also says that I wouldn' t be able to give up the baby once it' s born, I can understand that, because I will feel connected to the child, but just to make a difference in someones life will make me happy. Now I don' t know what to do, will it cause me emotional pain in the end? I was really sure, but after my mother talked to me I' m starting to have my doubts about it. But no one wants to help them, they haven' t asked anyone, but I feel that I should be the one to help them out and give them a child of their own. Wow, this is a difficult decision!

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Our expert says:
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I salute your general wish to bring happiness. There are indeed many potntial problems associated with being a surrogate, such as giving up the baby --- and that's in the easier situation when the surrogate is a stranger to the family. I'd expect it to be FAR more difficult in your situation, because you would remain in close contact with the parents and child. Assuming the pregnancy was achieved by artificial insemination, there could still be a feeling on the mother's side that her husband had somehow been unfaithful. How would you handle it if the child ( like any child ) became unhappy about something, or if you had some doubts about their parenting skills --- could you manage to remain uninvolved ? What if the child semed to become, at any stage, more fond of it's "Aunti" than its mother ? It may be worth exploring such themes with a counsellor. And there may be all sorts of official red tape, such as that involved in AI. Explore the legalities. Are there any official and properly conduicted surrogacy programs in SA that could help them, rather than thsi do-it-yourself idea ? Don't rush into this, however wholesome your motives.

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Our users say:
Posted by: anon | 2008/09/25

EL - you should check out www dot nuture dot co dot za or www dot surroangels dot co dot za all this info will help you make the right decision and will answer many questions you may have - GOOD LUCK

Reply to anon
Posted by: Honey | 2008/09/25

I would do that for family and you are a very wonderful woman BUT :

You are going through a rough time as it is and the emotional issues that come with pregnancy will not help you.

How do you explain to you son that the baby in your tummy is NOT his brother/sister? That will be very confusing for him right now.

AND : think carefully, can you give that baby up at the end of 9 months? Thats always been my concern if I was ever approached.

Like CS said, check all points, and consider carefully. As far as I know, the baby is YOURS... even if its not your egg used.

Shame EL... I am proud of you wanting to give something so precious to someone else!

Reply to Honey

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