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Question
Posted by: Bad Boy | 2003/12/10

Sukkel met verhouding

Ek is verloof aan 'n wonderlike jong dame en eks mal oor haar en wil vir haar die wereld gee. Die probleem is ek maak haar hartseer deur nie aan haar behoeftes te voldoen nie en bewys nie my liefde teenoor haar volgens haar. Ek het werklik gedink ek bewys my liefde teenoor haar. Sy se ook dat ek oor als met haar raas en nie haar raak sien as een waarmee ek die lewe wil deel nie. Dit het as 'n skok gekom al die goed want ekt gedog als is 100%. Hoe kan ek my houding verander teenoor haar dat sy beter voel want ek wil vir haar verander omdat ek haar lief het. Ek bewys dit seker verkeerd deur net vir haar te se ekt haar lief en hand aan hand te loop in die dorp en so af en toe wanneer niemand kyk n soen te steel. Wat moet ek doen want eks bang ek verloor haar.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Dear Bad Boy,
It's appropriate that I answer your queston in English, because I often find in problems of the sort you are descriving, where someone who loves their gf/bf is faced with complaints that they don't show their love, it's actually as if the two people ferl the same, but are speaking two different languages. And in your case, she's looking for you to speak love in Estonian, and you're talking your love in Mandarin Chinese --- in other words the content may be there, but its failing to translate. What is often unfair in the person making the complaint, is that they're not saying "love me", or even "show me that you love me" --- they're saying"show me that you love me, and show it in one specific way which I happen to understand and expect."
So surely what you two need to do is to sit down and talk this through, sincerely and clearly ; and for you to say very much what you have said so well in your message posted here --- that you love her, and try to show it but that she doesn't seem to be understanding your way of trying to show it, and could she perhaps teach you the way she wants to see it ( the lessons could be fun !) and also could she try harder to appreciate and understand the ways you are trying to communicate your love.

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