Posted by: Annouk | 2006/11/14

suicide of a sibling

hi Anon

suicide has nothing to do with a note or whatever media preconceptions there are with death. i tried to commit suicide because i was suffering from undiagnosed bi-polar as well as post-natal depression i also did not realise i was suffering. leaving a child behind does not come into the equation because at that moment your life has so little purpose that you dont want even your child tainted by your hopelessness.

you may never understand and that's ok. unless you have been to the bottom of the black pit of whatever your personal demons are, suicide will never make sense to you.

each of us is made up of unique chemicals and balances and to try and sum something up with a note is not going to take the pain away.

the fact that none of you saw it or noticed it is not your fault. i hid my depression pretty well until i completely fell apart and my entire family was so angry. why? because of the guilt they felt for being too involved in their own lives and that is not wrong either.

she is at peace. her pain and her darkness are no longer. let her go. understand that for some of us, that is the only way to make the ache go away.

life is for the living. her son deserves to be raised by someone as wonderful as you are who can keep her beautiful memory alive for him.

may God bless you and give you all that you need to do this for him.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Very well said, Annouk. Suicides typically develop a sort of funnel vision in which they see less and less of the good things in life ( its been shown that they actually don't tend to perceive or recognize or remember the good things that are always around, and selectively notice, recall, and dwell on whatever is negative ) ; and it's also not uncommon for them to hide the depth of their despair from others, nto allowing you a chance to help.
She lives on in the good memories you and her son share, and between you, you can keep that good part of her still remembered, and alive in that way

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: gen | 2006/11/14

I have to agree with Kate it beautiful written. I've also lost a friend due to suicide and have had a suicide attempt myself which failed. I suffer from bipolar depression. Sometimes it is hard for people to understand depression and how such a person feels who commit suicide. Sometimes I think the media have a wrong perception about depression & suicide. To be through a suicide attempt and lose someone who committed suicide is not easy. I have a understanding for your situation. Best of luck.

Reply to gen
Posted by: Kate | 2006/11/14

This is really beautifully written and I have been there (been suicidal and lost my father to suicide) Thank you for this!

Reply to Kate

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