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Question
Posted by: Haunted | 2011/01/07

Suicide, how do you forget?

How do you forget it if someone look in your eyes, smile and blow their brains out? This happend a couple of years ago but it only seems to now catching up to me. How do I forget? I feel it''s my fault that it happened. I could have changed something that day it 2 kids would never have been without a father. I try to overcompensate by being over protective of everybody so that this never happen again,

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

What he did to you was savagely cruel and wicked. I have profound sympathy for people who become suicidal but they have many alternative ways to seek help and have a responsibility to do so. To insist not only on refusing help, but on committing suicide and in precisely the way that will be most viciously cruel and hurtful to anyone else is not worthy of respect or sympathy - that was suicide as an act of aggression, intended to damage someone else. And it was surely intended also to haunt you in this way and to make you feel guilty for the choices HE made ( not you ). It is indeed your responsibility to avoid hurting others ( a responsibility he had, but ignored ) but it is NOT your job or responsibility to protect everyone else from whatever harm they might choose to bring on themselves.
Do see a psychotherapist / expert counsellor, to enable you to work through this horrible experience, to recognize that you should free yourself from lame, and to become free to move on with the happier life you deserve

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Haunted | 2011/01/10

Thank you, those words realy help me understand the aftermath of what happened. Who I became, and why I struggle to adjust. I wonder idf there is group meetings on this? Maybe with other people I can start getting this out of my head.

Reply to Haunted
Posted by: Tracey | 2011/01/09

He did that to you to punish you. It was his intention that you would never ever forget and be haunted and traumatised by his action. It was sick, narcisistic and most definitely not your fault.

The severe trauma that you suffered and are suffering in the way of post traumatic stress disorder is affecting your thoughts, behaviour and every day of your life in which you do not seek help, you will be affected by this event.

First of all, each person has a choice, his choice was to do what he did to himself. But what he did in front of you, is most despicable in indeed.

You can get helped and your PTSD treated. You will work these all these feelings and emotions as well as behaviour you are experiencing.

Remember that you are not the whole world''s saviour, It is not your responsible to save all and sundry from harm... some accidents can not be prevented at all.

Rather take that energy to find help and begin to heal yourself. You do not have to continue punishing yourself because of someone else''s abusive actions.

Good luck and may you find healing and peace and live a more happier life.

Reply to Tracey
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/01/08

What he did to you was savagely cruel and wicked. I have profound sympathy for people who become suicidal but they have many alternative ways to seek help and have a responsibility to do so. To insist not only on refusing help, but on committing suicide and in precisely the way that will be most viciously cruel and hurtful to anyone else is not worthy of respect or sympathy - that was suicide as an act of aggression, intended to damage someone else. And it was surely intended also to haunt you in this way and to make you feel guilty for the choices HE made ( not you ). It is indeed your responsibility to avoid hurting others ( a responsibility he had, but ignored ) but it is NOT your job or responsibility to protect everyone else from whatever harm they might choose to bring on themselves.
Do see a psychotherapist / expert counsellor, to enable you to work through this horrible experience, to recognize that you should free yourself from lame, and to become free to move on with the happier life you deserve

Reply to cybershrink
Posted by: Haunted | 2011/01/07

The problem is I have issues with people being close to me. I don''t let anybody touch me ''''mommy issues'''' Except my husband and my children. i don''t know how to give affection to other people. I don''t have close relationships with other people. Then I can''t get hurt.

May when I die I''ll see him? maybe but that will be a meeting and a halve, I hate him so much, I hate what he did. I hate what he is still doing when I see the hurt in there eyes. I will gladly kill him myself. Just so they can have someone to blame and not themselve.

Reply to Haunted
Posted by: widow | 2011/01/07

My husband comitted suicide 2 years ago (not in front of me, though). I still feel guitly because I couldn''t " help"  him more. I did go through intensive therapy, and I belive that some guilt feelings will remain with you forever, although the intensity changes from time to time. Something like death and suicide, makes us sit up and think. Although I don''t feel like " saving"  everybody constantly. I am forever dishing out advice to everybody to appreciate each other, to be kind to each other. And I have also learnt not to make issues out of nothing, and to be very, very understanding and loving towards people because you don''t know what they are hiding behind appearances. This is a " side-effect"  of what we''ve been through. Don''t see it as your hell, it''s not a bad thing. I guess we just know that life is precious.

Reply to widow
Posted by: Casey | 2011/01/07

Maybe you should see a psychologist or psychiatrist to help you deal with this issue. They know how to help you deal with this issue. And it is not your fault that he committed suicide. a Friend of mine committed suicide 9 years ago.

Reply to Casey
Posted by: Mystic River | 2011/01/07

You wont EVER forget that, not until you yourself die maybe then you will see him again?

Reply to Mystic River
Posted by: Haunted | 2011/01/07

Thank you, I have been doing that but I seem to get more protective. i live by the rule ''avoid accident''s, rather than cause them'' This rule only count for others in my mind, because I tend to put myself in harms way to help other. Not because i''m a good person, but because I want to ''save'' everybody. Yesterday I assisted a lady that was being hijacked close to my work. I directly put myself between her and the vehicle that tried to hijack her. I did not know her. I''m a female to by the way. No thought about myself, I just can''t live with another ''what if'' What if i did not help her and she was shot? Some call it surviver''s guild, I call it hell. My mind is always busy ''saving'' everybody.

Reply to Haunted
Posted by: XXX | 2011/01/07

I am no expert but I personally doubt that you can forget.What I believe is that you can learn to push it to the back of your mind and not think about it as often.
As much as a divorce/a " natural"  death in the family can eventually be overcome,you will get beyond this.
Try and keep yourself occupied with your children/family/friends/sport etc etc and I suspect that time will help the healing.
I wish you all of the very best

Reply to XXX

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