Posted by: Carmz | 2006/04/12

Suicidal thoughts overwhelming me!!!

Im in some serious need of some help, and some answers. About a month ago i left my boyfriend, dont ask me why, because i have trouble understanding why i did that aswell. I tried to go back to him after about 4 days. He wouldnt take me back. Anyhoo, its been over a month now, im staying with my parents again, i work here as well, for my dad. It seems like stress and depression are taking me over now. Everyday i try to get back with my boyfriend, and try undertsnad why he wont have me back, he cant seem to give me a straight answer. Last night my dad got so angry, he told me i need to get over him now, because its messing everything up, and pretty soon im going to lose my job too. This really hurt me. I had a serious episode after that, started thinking about how i can take my life, how can i end this, these thoughts have never been so strong as they were last night.
To put the cherry on the cake, my dog has billary too, he is my everything, and if i lose him too, i dont know what ill do. I dont know what to do anymore, i dont want to be on medication, as i have been on 3 different types of anti depressant, none of which have worked for me, so i dont want to go back to that.
I so badly want to leave my ex alone, but something tells me, dont give him up, but im making him angry now, and i really need to leave him alone.
Is there anyone who can help me, am i the only person that never stops thinking about everything. I sometimes wish i could just nock my head to forget everything thats happened, i dont want to remember this, because it is slowly taking its toll on me.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Please folks, do NOT bring suicidal crises and similar emergencies to the forum --- if your house is on fire, don't send me a postacrd, call the firebrigade ! It sounds from your description that you really ened to see a good local counsellor, to understand, apparently, why you broke up this relationship, and why you are feeling so overwhelmed by this. But for goodness sake, this is ONE man in your life, and while maybe you made a mistake and were hasty, and maybe you miss him --- its no reason for thinking about suicide ? NEVER ever give away the power over your life to someone else like that. YOu DO need to see a ood counsellor, and ask your GP to recommend one who does CBT ( COgnitive-Behaviour Therapy ) counselling, which has been found to be as efective as antidepressants. And DO leave your ex alone, at least for now. Maybe after he's had some weeks to think it over, his attitude might change --- but for now you may be driving him away by trying too fiercely to drag him back.
As Buterfly says, you too need the time and distance to sort this out, so don't be so impatient. And FRoxanne's comments are useful, too

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Our users say:
Posted by: Butterfly | 2006/04/12

Carmz, please dont listen to TheMan (not).

You are going through a rough patch at the moment. I think the best would be to sort yourself out, and not expect your ex, or your family to do it for you. They are there as support, and cannot change things for you.

You need to distance yourself from the situation with your ex. You have let him know you want him back, but he has explicitly told you he does not want a relationship with you now. You have got to respect that.

As for killing yourself - that is a stupid thoguht, there is so much to live for, and these dark places just let us learn to be more human.

You desrve to be happy, yo need to get to your doctor and do soem therapy, possibly meds as well, maybe they didnt get the right dose last time. Don't give up.

Good luck for your doggy too, I am sure the vets will be able to fix him, hang in there, and chat to us. We are here to listen and support you.

Reply to Butterfly
Posted by: NAN | 2006/04/12


Reply to NAN
Posted by: Roxanne | 2006/04/12

Carmz it is so sad...

Never ever in your entire life even get the thought of taking your own life... IT IS NOT WORTH IT... Give him space my dear, let him go... You know that saying... Set it free, if it comes back it is yours, if it doesn’t it never was...!

I tried taking my life, I was pretty close to dead, if they didn’t find me the time they did..., I wouldn’t of been here today..., looking back I want to kick myself, no one is worth your life... ABSOLUTELY NO ONE...

Why did you brake up...?

Remember you got your family that loves you dearly, by taking your life you will leave hundreds of people miserable and you will leave a boy that will hate himself for ever, do you really want to bring a big burden on him like that… No, it is not fair to the people around you… You are a lovely beautiful lady… Just keep your eyes open to the wonderful friends and things around you… Don’t lock any friends or family out in the time that you need them the most…

Reply to Roxanne
Posted by: TheMan | 2006/04/12

Girl, you got some serious sh!t in your life! Firstly you will have to take a hold of yourself - not this afternoon, not tonight, not tomorrow, but NOW - at this moment.
You need to get your mental state of mind under control- no-one can help you to do that, only yourself can.
You sound like a spoilt brat that always got everything in life and who throw tantrums in order to get your way. Your (ex)boyfriend has probably come to a stage in your relatioship where he is sick-and-tired of you rmood swings - that is the reason he will not take you back. You are not the innocent victim here Girl, you brought this on yourself!
Now having suicidal thoughts? How shocking? Do you think your (ex) boyfriend will care if you are dead? Get a grip - you are going to hurt a lot of people - your father, mother, family - You are really selfish!
It sounds like your father is now sick-and-tired of your whining as well hence his outburst at you.
I do not know how old you are, but let me tell you - We are getting sick-and-tired pf people always trying to hide behind STRESS STRESS STRESS - Stress is a state of mind induced by the individual themselves - That means, your fault! Nobody else is to blame for STRESS in YOUR life.
Now, off you go, go and blow your nose, wash your face and get a grip!

Reply to TheMan

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