Posted by: Michelle | 2007/07/25

Suicidal thoughts - Anon please help

Thank you Anon for your response to an earlier post.

My husband has isolated me from the world - I know - I have let him and he is controlling my life. I know i am the one to blame as I have let him do this to me. He of course is well respected in the nieghbourhood and loved by all at church. Hard worker... blah blah blah. I know how he treats me behind doors. People constantly tell me how great he is and how blessed I am to have him. Am I missing something here? Am I the one with the problem? Am I just to sensitive? or emotional?

I seriously need some help. I don't even know how to make a decision anymore. I have given up my job as I just can't 'function' properly anymore. I just want to lay in bed all day. I need help, but what do I do? I know from the earlier post where to get help, but I just can't take that first step. I need someone to be with me. My family love my husband and if I open my mouth and talk to anyone about 'our lives' then all hell breaks loose. Then I get the pastoral visit asking why I am lying and so disrespectfull etc.

I just can't do this anymore. I just wish I could have my life back. I want to be able to feel again. Get excited. Cry. anything.

My Psychologist has not returned my husband's call apparently... I don't know if he called him or if he hasn't... what are the chances of him actually calling....

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Our expert says:
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Maybe you need to start by seeing a good counsellor for yourself, and working towards increasing your self-confidence, independence, and your range of supports and friends, to as to put yourself in a better position to be able to leave him when this becomes practical. And call Lifeline in the meantime, to have someone to talk this over with. A pastoral visit from ANYONE who meddles in therapy without knwing wat they are doing, and or who takes automatically one side in a dispute, is something the visitor ought to feel ashamed of

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: anon | 2007/07/26


Are you seeing a psychiatrist now. Who is administering your medication and overseeing you. You need to go see your Dr urgently.

You seem to have an excuse for everything Michelle, sorry I might sound very hard and unsympathetic now but you need help and only you can get it for yourself. You can open up a webmail email address or hotmail and a made up name. You choose your own password and you go in to check your messages and close it afterwards. Do that, he can't check on you that way because no messages will be shown in your outbox. You log in when you want to and log out when you want to. Try www dot webmail dot co dot za

Get some clothes on now and go to your nearest payphone and make that call. Do it now. Go call your Dr/hospital/whoever but get help.

Reply to anon
Posted by: Michelle | 2007/07/26

Anon - I have been on medication since the age of 15. I am now 32. I do feel numb, very. I don't have any emotions that show. I am just going to stay in bed and hope that death will come over me. I am alone in all of this and you have given me all the information that i need, but i just can't take the step alone. I am to weak. I went onto the websites, but i can't send an email, because my husband checks my mail regularly. Even if i delete it, the problem would be if they sent me one and he found it.

I just don't think that I am cut out for this life. thank you.

Reply to Michelle
Posted by: anon | 2007/07/25

MICHELLE, are you on medication at all? Do you suffer from anxiety and panic attacks? That could also make you feel extremely fearful of going out etc. You could feel numb and not able to get help for yourself, but you need to see someone urgently, even a GP who could refer you to a psychiatrist. Get to your nearest hospital they will be able to help you.

Reply to anon
Posted by: anon | 2007/07/25


How old are your daughters. At some time he has to go to work, when he goes to work how can he watch you 24hrs a day. During that time get to a pay phone and call one of the numbers. They will call you back if you can't afford the payphone. Go to the website and send them a message, they will answer you.

People who are abusers are often the most friendly, highly respected, happy people to the outside world but to those closest and dearest to them, their own family knows them best.

You know you deserve better than this. You know you must leave. There are many shelters available out there where you can go to and they will help you get on your feet and find a job so that you can earn money and support yourself.

Powa also will be able to give you free legal advise. Only you can now help yourself.

By asking for help continuously here and not actually DOING something about it yourself, will be your own problem.

We can give you suggestions, tools and advice but you need to use the advice and tools and get help for yourself.

Do it now!!!

Reply to anon
Posted by: Michelle | 2007/07/25

Thank you all for your wonderful support.

I know what i have to do.... it is just taking that first step that scares me. I would rather run, disappear or die than take that step. Nobody understands what he is doing to me. I dont have a cell because he took it away from me. We don't have a land line because it is not necessary - these are his suggestions.

This has been going on for many years, it has just progressively gotten to this stage where I just can't handle anymore. I have even gone so far as to make an appointment with a psychologist only to have husband tell me that i can't go because he has to work. I stay at home all day and all night. I am actually scared to go out. I have just had enough and I need to get in touch with these people, but how? He constantly watches me and has me followed when I walk anywhere, so I have just decided that I just can't take anymore and I need to get out.

I have 2 daughters who are the greatest ever, but he will get coustody of them, just because of who he is and how he is. I have had the pastor and the rest of them tell me that they will stand by him in everything he does including if he divorces me, which I don't think he will do, because I am his glorified maid.

I am scared, petrified of him. I am scared of myself at the moment. What do i do

Reply to Michelle
Posted by: Maria | 2007/07/25

Hi Michelle,

I agree with Anon - you are a person of worth and value, there are people who care about you (even strangers on the internet), and you deserve to be helped. It is unfortunately so that men who abuse their wives behind closed doors and yet have a high profile and good reputation in the community, are not uncommon. The church is also clearly not helping you here at all. What is holding you back from taking that first step to seek help? It is hard, I know, you feel that nobody will take you seriously - but this is not true! We are taking you seriously here and so will other people. Please do contact one of the organisations mentioned that you can contact online. Is there perhaps a payphone in your area that you can walk to in order to call Lifeline or POWA?

Don't give up on yourself, we certainly haven't.

Reply to Maria
Posted by: Anon | 2007/07/25

Hi Michelle,

Sounds like you feel emotionally abused by your husband. Perhaps an organization like POWA website www dot powa dot co dot za could help you. Go read about abuse there. Here is their telephone no POWA Helpline (011)642-4345.

Sometimes when women are in an abusive relationship, they are not fully aware just how abused they are, until they read about. Perhaps the way you are feeling about yourself, might be due to depression as well. You feel you have no rights, no say, no respect, you are not being heard.

I would advise you to seek help outside the church. Get an outside opinion from someone who doesn't know your husband. Its now all about YOU and not him. Its about how you are feeling, whats this relationship doing to you, how its affecting you mentally, emotionally and not just spiritually. How did you cope in the past. You need to take your power back. You are entitled to your opinion, and need to be heard and respected.

Trust yourself and explore your feelings. Remember no one is judging or criticising you, call Lifeline a call.

If you do not have a landline/cell phone, make arrangements to get one asap, even if you get a pay as you go one, but you can't be isolated and alone like this.

Sounds like you are feeling very vulnerable, lonely, alone, sad and depressed.

Don't know how old you are or if you have any children. Please contact one of the organizations listed above, Anxiety & Depression/Lifeline or Powa.

You do not have to feel this way. The reason why you feel you can't do it alone is that you don't believe in yourself as your confidence and self esteem has suffered.

You do need professional help. Take care and keep us posted.

Reply to Anon
Posted by: Michelle | 2007/07/25

Hi Lisa

sorry to hear about your husband. I really am.

I am not working and have no support from family or friends - I don't have friends....they are all our friends, but i can guarantee that if I had to walk out they would side with him, that includes my family.

I am so alone in everything that I do. I am not allowed to have an opinion about anything. I just feel as though he is killing my soul and while he is doing that I just can't get these horrid thoughts out of my head.

How can you help me...?

Reply to Michelle
Posted by: lisa | 2007/07/25

Dear Anon
I can relate to what you are feeling in a way, I don't have an unhappy marraige,but my husband commited suicide 8 weeks ago and life ever since has been hell. I would say just leave,but I realize I don't know your situation,but what I can tell you is that suicide is not the answer, right now it feels like it is and I can understand that, but there are other options, I will help you in any way I can, you have more to live for than you know!!!!

Reply to lisa

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