Our expert says:
This situation needs to be taken seriously and wih respect, by you as well as others.
Your dad is foolish if he "doesn't want you to be on pills" that have been prescribed for you by a doctor after a proper assessment of your condition - but some people are ignorant, or prejudiced in a most unhelpful way. Such an opinion, should not be accepted as a reason to stop needed meds.
Apparently, as might have been predicted, after stopping the meds prematurely, your depression returned. Alcohol never helps and makes depression worse - and more dangerously, increases our impulsiveness.
If you don't like this particular way of life, then that\s what should be changed, with the appropriate help - rather than giving up on life altogether,
If you are lesbian, that is your own business - it sounds as though you anicipate being rejected by them if they find out about it.
You seem to be describing a most uncomfortabl situation, but one that really ought to respond to proper treatment. If this needs an initial period in hospital to stabilize the situation, so be it. DO urgently arrange to be seen by someone - at least a GP, but preferably a psychiatrist - if you go to the casualty of any state hospital and tell them frankly how you are feeling, they should arange for you to see a suitable shrink and be taken into treatment, which will need to continue after you leave hospital, to help you sort out the job and other issues. You can be feeling much better than this
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