Posted by: ABC | 2008/07/30


I' ve been through a rough patch recently with a hell-of-a lot of stress. I' ve been thinking about suicide and writing letters to all my loved ones. The only thing is my 2 year old son. But now that I' ve sorted that out, I think I' m ready. I' ve spoken to my husband and asked him what he would do if something happened to me. He said that he' ll buy a house and get his mother to come and stay with him so she' ll be able to look after my son.
I' ve told my husband that I' m suicidal, but he' s not concerned. He' s not worried at all and his response to me was that he' s felt like that sometimes too and that everybody thinks about it sometimes - I know that, but I' m not suppose to be " everybody"  to him.
We son' t have problems in our marriage and I' m lucky enough in the way that he buys me whatever I want. He does whatever I ask.
It' s just that I feel like my life is done. I' m done.
I can' t go to a psychologist because our medical aid doesn' t pay for it unless I get admitted to a hospital. My husband and I joked that I' ll swallow a packet of sleeping pils and then tell him. Then he' ll take me to hospital and I' ll be able to see a shrink. But I don' t think I will tell him.
I haven' t had a good night' s sleep since I was 17. I sleep for about 4 hours a night, And even when I sleep it' s as if I don' t really sleep. I' m a very light sleeper. I also suffer from severe back pain and the most awful migraines.
I really don' t even know why I wrote this. But thank you for listening.

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Our expert says:
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Do NOT go ahead with such plans, for many good reasons you are currently overlooking. Including the fact that it will have serious consequences for your son, and that your current mioserable condition CAN be remedied, if you will only work hard and sincerely with a good local psychiatrist. Its sad that your husband is apparently not taking seriously your statements concerning suicide. Maybe he is thinking of them as like his own brief and much less serious thopughts on the subject, rather than resognizing how sinister they really are.
If your medical aid has such a stupid rule ( and some do ) then they are making false economies and needlessly and recklessly risking lives. But if you do see a psychiatrist, or even a good GP, I'm sure that he would recommend a period in hospital for full assessment by a psychiatrist and to start effective treatment for the Major Depression you seem to be experiencing. The Depression is a brilliant amplifier of any pain from any source, and always screws up our sleep.
I'm pleased you wrote to us, and the fact that you did so suggests that there is a strong inner wisdom within you that recognizes that the part of you that is ready to give up is not the one that you or anyone else ought to listen to.
So arange urgently to see your GP, and call Lifeline to speak to someone there in the meantime. And whatever methods you have serously considered for harming yourself, disarm them --- throw away any excess pills and remove any other harmful weapons or methods so that they will not be accessible if you feel impulsive at any time.
Don't so terribly hurt the people you love and who love you. And care for yourswelf--- you really deserve that.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: Kay in Gtown | 2008/07/31

Please don' t go the suicide route - I did that and was extremely lucky to be rescued. It WILL scar your son and you CAN be helped. There are free out-patient services at psychiatric hospitals and free therapy from psychology interns. You could also ask your GP to admit you to hospital or refer you to a psychiatrist who can admit you. And psych hospitals are not the end-of-the-road places people often think. You can be put back on the road to mental health once you' ve been assessed.

Those no-hope thoughts you' re having are lying to you. Depression distorts your thoughts so you can' t think rationally. It may seem logical to you to kill yourself, (it felt like that to me) but trust me, those thoughts are depression' s lies.

Please reach out for help. It changed my life and it can do the same for you.

Reply to Kay in Gtown
Posted by: anon | 2008/07/30


If you want to chat to me you can, post me a mail
anoncsforum at gmail dot com

SOunds like you have been through a lot of pain, not just physical but emotional too. There are a number of issues here, besides your suicidal thoughts, your lack of sleep over time can cause havoc to your health and mind. We all need sleep for our wellbeing.

Maria is correct, please get help asap. There is someone now waiting for your call at Lifeline, call them and have a chat. If you can not afford private medical care there are other means of receiving psychological help. YOu do not need to resort in swallowing a whole of pills first.

You are depressed, which is an illness, just like diabetes and you can get help.

Please do NOT DO IT! Think of your son and those who love you.

Your husband loves you. Please get the proper help and care.

Post again and tell us how you are doing.

Sending you huge cyberhugs ((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))))))

Sleep well,
Your son needs you like you would never know....right now you are only thinking of you....remember suicidal thoughts are just that, thoughts and you can get will feel differently after speaking with someone and receiving the correct medical care. Perhaps you need some medication to help you over this time and also to speak to a psychiatrist and psychologist.

Reply to anon
Posted by: Maria | 2008/07/30

Hi ABC. You wrote this because you want to be helped, you don' t want to die. Suicide is a permanent solution to temporary problems, please don' t go that route. There is absolutely no way that your son will be better off without you, regardless of who cares for him. My daughter' s biological mother died when she was two, and the psychologists tell us that she will carry the psychological scars of abandonment for the rest of her life. Don' t do that to your child. See your gp as soon as possible. If you' re feeling suicidal you can go to the emergency ward of any hospital and ask to see a psychiatrist, who can admit you. You can also call Lifeline for someone to talk to - 0861 322 322. Hang in there, things CAN get better.

Reply to Maria

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