Our expert says:
Do NOT go ahead with such plans, for many good reasons you are currently overlooking. Including the fact that it will have serious consequences for your son, and that your current mioserable condition CAN be remedied, if you will only work hard and sincerely with a good local psychiatrist. Its sad that your husband is apparently not taking seriously your statements concerning suicide. Maybe he is thinking of them as like his own brief and much less serious thopughts on the subject, rather than resognizing how sinister they really are.
If your medical aid has such a stupid rule ( and some do ) then they are making false economies and needlessly and recklessly risking lives. But if you do see a psychiatrist, or even a good GP, I'm sure that he would recommend a period in hospital for full assessment by a psychiatrist and to start effective treatment for the Major Depression you seem to be experiencing. The Depression is a brilliant amplifier of any pain from any source, and always screws up our sleep.
I'm pleased you wrote to us, and the fact that you did so suggests that there is a strong inner wisdom within you that recognizes that the part of you that is ready to give up is not the one that you or anyone else ought to listen to.
So arange urgently to see your GP, and call Lifeline to speak to someone there in the meantime. And whatever methods you have serously considered for harming yourself, disarm them --- throw away any excess pills and remove any other harmful weapons or methods so that they will not be accessible if you feel impulsive at any time.
Don't so terribly hurt the people you love and who love you. And care for yourswelf--- you really deserve that.
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