Posted by: Anon | 2008/05/23

Stuck between a rock and a hard place

I am in a very difficult situation and I don’t know what to do. I fell deeply in love with a wonderful person 7 years ago. We were perfect together and I was very happy. Unfortunately when we met he had made plans to travel the world after his studies. I knew about this when I met him and accepted that he was going to be leaving. We made the most of the time we had together. When he left I was devastated. It took a very long time to pick up the pieces but eventually I felt that I had moved on. I met someone 5 years ago and we recently got married – we have been married for less than 2 years and I’m beginning to wonder why we were married in the first place. Our marriage began with a tragedy ( loss of a loved one ) and we handled it very differently. We pulled apart and have never really come together since that. I have found that for the last year and a half I have been thinking of my first love all the time. I emailed him a year ago and we are sort of back in contact- we email every few months or so. I haven’t told my husband about this. I fantasize about the past and how happy I was when I was with this other person and what could’ve been if we were still together. . I am constantly reminded of him ie songs on the radio, strange coincidences. My husband and I barely talk and fight often – I have suggested counseling but he isn’t interested. He says it’s a waste of money. I can see he is unhappy too. There may be a chance for me to meet up with my first love. I feel like I need to see him to see if there is still a connection between us. I just want to be happy and feel like I am loved.

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Our expert says:
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Nicky's response makes good sense

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Posted by: Nicky | 2008/05/23


"I fantasize about the past"

That' s exactly what it is the PAST... you both have grown and experinced different things since your seperation... it was good while it lasted...

Also you need to forget about this man, when you hear your favourites song or things that reminds you of the good times... just think about them and smile and be happy that you had the chance to share them together...

As for now, I personally think that your current marriage is not making progress as your giving most of your attention to the coulda, shoulda, woulda scenario...

Don't get me wrong, I know marriage is a two way street and that DH should contribute just as much to the reconcile and health of your marriage...maybe you should just take the first move...

All of the above is based on what i have understood in your above post, feel free to correct or explain.

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