Posted by: star wars | 2008/09/15

struggling with break-up that i ended

I ended my relationship of 9 years with by boyfriend. There were some problems in an otherwise good relationship, but ultimately I felt I had to end it for my long- and short-term happiness. The way it happened was completely not what i wanted - I was in a bad space thinking things were over (before I discussed with him) and saw no way out, i made an error in going onto a dating site looking for sex/friends/companionship. He found my profile on there and it unravelled badly from there. We still have a lot of mutual friends and unintentionally some are more on one side than the other, which is the last thing i wanted for him. He now doesnt trust some of our friends and is refusing to see them. He is so angry about what has happened and the way the breakup was handled by me. I still have such strong feelings for him and i am so upset by how this is happening. I still think that it is the right thing for us to split up (at this time - i do need time out to gather myself though). We have seen each other a few times since the split, socially as well as having discussions about what is happening. I am more upset about the effect all this is having on him than about me not being with him. This guilt is really eating me up inside and i dont know what to do about it.
I have a few questions:
1) any advice on the above?
2) I think that he should go see a therapist, but he needs a specific type of therapy. He needs someone that will give specific feedback and advice rather than just someone to lists (past experience). What type of therapy would this be and where can i find a practitioner?
3) do you think us seeing a therapist together would be beneficial? as well as him going individually.

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Our expert says:
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If both of you feel that this relatonship ought to be able to be fulfilling for both of you, but that there are issues currently preventing that, DO see a therapistc / relationship counsellor together. Lists are certainly not needed, and are only used by very trivial counsellors. FAMSA ought to be able to help you find a suitable therapist.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: star wars | 2008/09/19

to Wise a**.
I am right. I found out 2 nights ago that he has been on cocaine for more than 18 months..... now we are going to therapy for his drug addiction.

Reply to star wars
Posted by: Wise a** | 2008/09/16

The truth hurt don' t it?

Reply to Wise a**
Posted by: jcat | 2008/09/16

wise a$$.....

you are definitely an a$$. The wise bit, I am very dubious about.

Reply to jcat
Posted by: Wise a** | 2008/09/15


You must be one of the most selfish persons in the world! I am fairly comfortable with the above situation. So I am speaking from personal experience.

1) Grow up.
2) Sort your sh*t out
3) Stop emotionally blackmailing your b/f by wanting to see him
4) When you have friends, there is this thing called loyalty, of course they would stick by him
5) You' re probably a bitch.
6) What deems you fit to tell him to go get therapy.
7) Grow up.

Reply to Wise a**

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