Posted by: Echelle | 2007/05/25

Stressed out!

First of all - those of you who want to give stupid comments or opinions like usual, just take a deep breath and shut up...!!

I was almost totally stress free this last few months and now this week my heart is beating fast and I worry and stress all the time! Baby's dad called me to TELL me (not ask) that he and his mother are coming to visit on Saturday and if I have plans I MUST cancel it. He said that I must keep up with his plans and I must be available when he wants to visit his son and cancel my plans if I have any at that time! Now he's arguing about everything and telling me all of his rights etc. He is playing macho man and trying to make me scared. I know he will never take me to court, because he knows that he will not win, I have enough against him and he knows that, he is just saying all sorts of things that I think his mother told him to make me afraid, he can't do anything, yet I am afraid and scared to death! Like I said before, he refuses to pay more because he knows that I will do anything in my power to get my son something to eat etc, but he asked me the other day when he can take him for a weekend? I know the way he was brought up and he will try and do everything in the same manner with my son, he and his dad always went out to clubs and drank until they dropped and his dad are that type of person to eat a glass and be proud of it, how dumb can one be? And they all think it's funny! I always asked him to not smoke inside a place if our son is coming with me to visit, but he just didn't care. He was brought up with no morals at all and I don't want my son to grow up the same! I don't know if anyone can give me legal advise, but I will do anything in my power to not let him take my son for a weekend! He can visit him and all that, but that is it! I know that his mother will give me hell tomorrow and I know she's going to make me so mad, but I have to stay calm otherwise she can hold that against me in future, but how do I do that? I know myself, if someone really makes me mad I lose it and say whatsever on my mind! Do I tell them to just leave me alone or what? I'm not even interested in talking to them. I wish this day will last forever so tomorrow never comes! I'm still so mad at my ex I can't stand his face or his voice or anything about him! He brought back all the pain by calling me and the fighting etc. Everything was going so well, but now I must face reality I guess.

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Our expert says:
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If the child is his, he will be entitled to reasonable access --- and REASONABLE is the important word. It would NOT include turning ip whenever it suited him, and ignoring your own plans or needs. Its worth getting issues like access and maintenance fixed by a court, as then he will not be entitled to ignore the rules the court lays down

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Our users say:
Posted by: Lilly | 2007/05/25

I think you are facing 2 problems here:
I do not know your circumstances, but are there legal issues? If he has access, pays maintenance, etc. make sure these are stipulated clearly, and stick to it, there is nothing else you can do.
Emotionally you will have to "remove" yourself from the situation. Be there, but do not become part of any games. People who know you will also know how to push your buttons. Be prepared for that, and also prepare your reaction to it.
Controlling such strong emotions is hard, but being in control of yourself and the situation might just surprise them, and will surely take the wind from their sails.
"Living well is the best revenge"
All the best!

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