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Posted by: Fairy | 2005/01/11

stressed and irritated

Hi
I am not sure if I am depressed or not, I am having a difficult time relaxing, sleeping, eating, concentrating. I am 21 years old (indian) live with my parents, but they are always fighting with each other and each other's families and then they both come to me and complain about the other one. all the fighting is really affecting my little sister, her school grade has dropped alot, she has become very rebellious. I seem to always get cought up in everything. They wont let me move out on my own. I am so frusttrated and stressed out. What can I do? I love both mt parents, but living in that is house is driving me insane and so are they. Please help.

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Our expert says:
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F, maybe you are depressed ( only a proper assessment by a doctor, psychiatrist or psychologist could make sure of this ) ; or you could be stressed and anxious, which can also cause the symptoms you describe, especially with the family tensions that are worrying you. Shaun's response is useful here, and he, like I, understands the sort of community within which you are facing these difficulties. Is there any older family member who might be understanding and helpful ?

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Fairy | 2005/01/11

No Shaun, you got it right.
However it is very dificult because sometimes my dad is really wrong and unreasonable, like he told my mum to choose between their marriage and her mother, because he and my granny do not get along at all, I can only imagine what she is going through. It depresses me, there are days when I just come to work early adn leave really late just to avoid going hometo hearing the arguments and seeing her cry.

Most of the time I try to distance myself as much as possible, like over the weekends I will go out and only come back when they are asleep. It is so difficult to live in a house where there is no peace, just fighting all the time.

Reply to Fairy
Posted by: Shaun | 2005/01/11

Hi there,

Yes it is difficult isn't it. As long as you live under another's roof you will always be wanting your "own space".
I would say, seeing as you cannot move out at the moment, then why not try creating a life that does not include them. I mean make your own plans, meet with some good friends, just so that your mind can be taken away from them & their situations, even for a while.
Don't get me wrong now, coz at the same time you must try realise where they are coming from & know that sometimes by your behaviour or responses, you allow it all to come back to you.
Learn to know that these are their hassles & you don't need to make it yours. You have no issues with anyone have you, so don't make someone else's issues yours.
They also know they have someone (in you) to complain to all the time so they make good use of it. It's quite taxing on you but don't be hard on yourself about it.
Just try be there for your sister.
I know what it's like coz my mum always wants to complain to me. I listen, but kinda let it be known that I'm only listening half-heartedly. Then with my own analysis I say to her if she can't make a difference about it then she mustn't worry about it. She gets so upset with me, but thats my response & there's nothing more I can do about the situation except involving myself, which is something I really don't want to do.
Hey, maybe it's not very nice of me, but it's better them knowing that the problems they think are their's are really only their's.
It gets so much worse when gossip is involved... like this person said that, & that person said this... I just say did you hear or see that yourself? If not then make sure you're certain before spreading stories.

There's many ways to get around this boet, just don't let it all get to you. They're adults so they should be an example to you. But you go one better & be an example for your sister. Let her know that you are there for her no matter what.

If I got your concern here all wrong, then please just ignore my suggestions.

Enjoy your day,
Cheers,
Shaun

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