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Question
Posted by: Ally | 2006/07/12

Stress & Moving

Dear CyberShrink

I am moving overseas soon, reluctantly - but the move has to be done. The thought of leaving our home, everything we know, saying goodbye, is already stressing me out. How do I not fall apart?
I have a physical disability and would have to live in an unaccessible house for a few months, and speak a foreign language (I know the basics though). I feel so much pressure is on me and would need even more asistance physically as I rely on others. I don't want to drive my family nuts.
I know I have to accept and move forward, but how does one do that when they are not healthy?
In the long run the move may be for the best as I'd be entitled to government care help there - financially and resource wise.
I feel that I'm not strong enough - physically and emotionally, to cope with the move. It may go better than I expect though. I'm not a skeptic. I try look at the good too.
Any advice would be dearly appreciated. Thanking you lots.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

I know what you mean about how stressful this can be --- ove the years, moved SA to UK, UK to Canada, Canada to UK, Uk to USA, USA to SA, and so on. But one need not fall apart. And it sounds as though you may be taking more individual responsibility than strictly necessary --- couldn't the rest of the family do more to help ? I suspect the move will go better than you think. The main problems will be things you may not have thought of, and the major problems you have anticipated may go better than you expected. Do keep in contact through the forum --- one advantage of the Web is that people can stay in contact with a community like ours, wherever they may be --- we've had contacts from regulars from Shanghai and Alaska.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Ally | 2006/07/13

Thank You for the encouragement CyberShrink, Garfield and Emma.

Reply to Ally
Posted by: Emma | 2006/07/13

Dear Ally,

I can understand how stressed you must be feeling. I am also disabled and I hate change at the best of times, never mind moving to another country! All I can suggest is that you take "one day at a time". I am sure your family will understand that you will have to rely on them more in a strange place. And it will only be for a time, once you know what the place is like I am sure you will be able to adjust. It is the fear of the unknown that stresses me out, perhaps it is the same for you.

The weather will be colder, but one can buy warmer winter clothing there and the houses, shops, offices, schools and even buses are heated. Once you are indoors it will be nice and warm. (I lived and worked in Europe for 3 years when I was younger).

I am sorry that you have to leave our wonderful country, but I wish you the best of luck. And remember overseas there are far better facilities for the disabled than here.

Take care.

Reply to Emma
Posted by: Garfield | 2006/07/13

Hey Ally

Sorry to hear you are so stressed. Just to fill you in briefly, I have moved countless times (to different overseas countries and all around SA) - some of it by choice, and some of it rather grudgingly through neccesity. It is a stressful event in any circumstance - and it is natural to feel stressed about it.

I can't help with regards any experience to a physical dissability (although I was once on crutches for 4 mnths during one of the trips!) but, I doubt very much that you will drive your family nuts! ... usually it is the person directly involved that worries more than the people involved in helping them - they no doubt are more worried about knowing you are happy, then the 'task' of having to look after you ... believe me, it will be a very positive thing to have your family with you. (also you mentioned govt assistance - financial and physical ... this will leave you open to explore other wonderful avenues in your life that you may be unable to take advantage of in SA).

As far as the new country goes, I find that the more you know about a place, the less scary it seems as it becomes more familiar before you are even there. You didn't say where you are moving to, but why not try find an internet site/chatroom for that place and start chatting with some locals or even other foreigners living there. There is a site called gumtree dot com that has branches in alot of countries. A lot of people rely on this site to find friends and find out arbitrary but interesting information about the place they are going to.

As far as the weather goes ... you wont beat SA, BUT on the positive side, although weather is colder, the houses/shops/clothes etc are all much better equipped to deal with the cold then here, so you don't feel it as badly as you would here. Also, almost everywhere has a summer sometime .... and if it is in Europe, they really do have exquisite summers with beautiful long evenings. It wont be that bad, I bet you!

Wish you all the best - be strong and try to find positives .... or if you are finding that daunting at the moment, then try and prepare yourself by finding out as much as you can!

Reply to Garfield
Posted by: Ally | 2006/07/12

And South Africa has such great weather. A cold Europe scares me! Thanks again for all the good you do, Doctor.

Reply to Ally

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