Posted by: Jac | 2004/11/15

Stress during pregnancy (34 weeks)

Dear Ladies

Pls advise me on this. Lately i am so stressed because my husband does not support me emotionally. I have being under strain for almost a week. How will this a affect my unborn baby at 34 weeks? I have just find out that my husband is cheating on me with another woman. I really need my husband to be there for me but it seems that we take different route every day. My parents don't know anything about this but it kills me so bad.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageGynaeDoc

It is very difficult to quantify stress and everyone has some degree of stress, so it is difficult to know what effect it will have on the pregnancy. You may benefit from talking to a counsellor though.

Best wishes

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Our users say:
Posted by: Jac | 2004/11/16

Thanks Folks

I really appreciate your concerns and advices, it helps a lot. It is difficult more especially when your husband is an introvert. My husband denied it and said to me i am his only wife but funny enough this women calls him in the evenings. They also send one another messages (SMS). I don't remember when did he told me that he loved me. What is also bothering me is i am very active person, sexually or rather i should say i am an outspoken person. This what also stresses me the most. My mother likes him very much and on the other hand he does not have parents they passed away both of them.

Reply to Jac
Posted by: cruz | 2004/11/16

This sound like a trend that some husbands go totally insane when one is pregnant. My husband is also not very supportive. If I were you I would tell your parents / his parents (depends on your relationship with them). It helps to talk because sharing your pain and anger takes the full load of yourself.

I wish you the best of luck.

Reply to cruz
Posted by: ME | 2004/11/15

I was suppose to cry the whole weekend but I could not, I am 32 weeks 2day. my husband did not sleep at home last nite. I only cried 2day at work when everybody was asking about him. I then realised that I can't call my parents, I called his parents.

I am so emotional at this stage I could not go home even when my boss asked me to. In a nutshell I am with you I know what you feel as I am feeling it right now.

To top it all there is so much deadly sickness that you cannot bear the thought of being infected by your own man.

I think tonite I will sleep over at my inlaws

Reply to ME
Posted by: Purple | 2004/11/15

Try to remain as calm as possible. Play soothing music, put your feet up and relax. Also, drink honeybush or rooibos tea, and sit outside and look at the sunrise or sunset and just relax your mind.

My husband was also emotianally unsoportive during pregnancy, and I used soothing music and all the other info I"ve put abovve for my baby, and when my baby was born, he was, and still is, such a relaxed and happy baby, so I don't knkow how much stress does actually affect your baby.

Just a suggestion, but hire a doula for the birth (contact the doula association - listed in the back of Your Preg magazine). I wish my husband hadn't been there. He was totally unsoportive and when I had an epidural after 5 hours, he told me that I'd barely felt any labour pains so he didn't see why I needed an epidural. It was the midwife who held my hand while the epidural was put in place, my husband just watched.

We've worked out our problems and are still together, but when we have our second baby (not on the cards yet), I am going to ensure that I rely on friends for emotional support and I am going to hire a doula for the birth. I'll give my husband the option of being there through the labour or being phoned when I'm nearing 7 or 8cm dilation, so that he can be there as baby pops out.

I really feel for you, as I've been where you are. I'm not sure if my husband did cheat on me or not, as I have no proof, but in my heart I'm pretty certain he did.

You're going to need help from friends and relatives after baby arrives as well, because if hubby isn't supportive now, he certainly won't be when baby arrives.

As the other ladies have said, I'd definitely suggest seeing a counsellor or a psychologist to help you guys work through your issues. Men react to pregnancy in such unexpected ways.

Reply to Purple
Posted by: PG Lady | 2004/11/15

Although im sure stress is not good for you at any time much less pregnancy, here is an interesting story I read in TIme magazine, 1 year after the 9/11 attacks. They featured an article about all the wives who lost husbands on that day who were pregant at the time. One year on they did a group shot with all those pregnant wives holding their babies at various ages if their pregnancies could survive the trauma of losing your partner in such a horrific way it gives you faith that you can also make it through this. You need to see a counsellor and work out why your husband cheated and try to resolve the issues around that!! Does he want to fix the problems??

Reply to PG Lady
Posted by: Norma | 2004/11/15


You need to sort this with hubby, the stress is not good for you and you need his support, even after the birth you will need him.......
If you don't sort this with your husband I think you should speak to your mom or a friend,
There is an article in the "Baba en Kleuter" about stress and unborn baby.

Good luck

Reply to Norma
Posted by: j | 2004/11/15

Dear Jac,

I just want to wish you good luck - I am sure God will be with you in this time

Reply to j

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