Posted by: Gracie | 2009/10/08


I have seen my ex-boyfriend after 14 yrs and realised with a great shock that I am sitll in love with him. The same feelings I had for him then have resurfaced. I have seen him twice in the past 3 weeks and each time I saw him I felt the same way I did when I was with him. There is just one big problem ... I am married, albeit not happily at all. My husband and I have been having problems for a long time now, but we just ignore our problems for the sake of our child. I care about my husband, but I am no longer in love with him and have not been for a while. My husband cheated on me with a colleague and whilst he was having the affair, he treated me really badly, but I stuck around for the sake of my boy. Seeing this man has nothing to do with my feelings for my husband - those feelings were gone long before I saw the ex bf! I am however not going to rush into a divorce or into this man' s arms, but I cannot help the way I am feeling. We had a very bad break-up 14 yrs ago and never discussed the problem or our feelings during the break-up. There was a lot of anger on my side and at that time I felt that I really hated him and needed to get him out of my life. I realise now that I do still have feelings for him - very strong feelings, but don' t know what to do about it. Please help!

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Our expert says:
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It seems odd that this would be a shock to you, that you would somehow have been totally unaware of this, for so long. Preesumably you did no end your relationship with him for silly or frivolous reasons, so do try to remember why it seemed such a good idea at the time. It was a very bad breakup, and you had good reasons for that.
And yes, you are now married. If there are problems ( as there are in every real rather than imagined relationship ) see a marriage counsellor with your husband, and work things out. Discuss these feelings with the counsellor, perhaps in some individual sessions, besides the joint sessions with your husband

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: HAHAHA | 2009/10/12


Reply to HAHAHA
Posted by: Gracie | 2009/10/09

CRAZY : Your name says it all - you are CRAZY! Furthermore I am not a whore - I do not sleep around and have no intention of doing so either - it is not in my make-up - I needed some input not your insults! He remains an EX-BOYFRIEND and when I see him all the hurt and anger also comes through with the feelings ... so please if you cannot say something constructive, dont go online to insult people - if you cannot help someone, dont post a response! Thanks to those who did not condemn me nor insult me - must have something to do with your level of education! How can u call me a whore if you don' t know me? Please let me have your name and contact details as I would like to take this further - have you ever heard of " DEFAMATION OF CHARACTER" ? I am sure however that you are too much of a coward to stand up in a court of law to call me a whore - you can only do it online where you can hide behind your very appropriate pseudonym!

Reply to Gracie
Posted by: almost mad | 2009/10/09

Guys get a grip. her husband cheated on her. She is confused and didnt come here to be insulted.She came here for advice and help.

Reply to almost mad
Posted by: CRAZY | 2009/10/09


Reply to CRAZY
Posted by: Dane | 2009/10/09


Deary you need to seriously think it through. You can' t just up and leave a marriage as you wish. You need to work with your husband and talk things through. Your ex boyfriend will use and abuse you because you left him then and will not treat you better than your husband seeing that he mustve done something really bad to have made you so mad to break up and marry another man. Stick to your guns and love your husband no matter what. You are not a stupid girl i am sure. Respect yourself and do what is right. Everybody has problems and your husband propably needs you to pull him through. Surely people look up to you to do the right thing. Love yourself, Love your son, Love your husband and as a family you need counselling to stay together. You are married because that how it is and you must take responsibility for your actions.

Reply to Dane
Posted by: chick | 2009/10/09

i feel sory for you to admit this online. you need to seriously check yourself out to disgrace yourself like that. Do you think ex still loves you, no he dont. you are used goods now that he dont have you and he will treat you accordingly. are you even trying to make peace with yur husband. you are indeed selfish im sure lots of people think that of you. YOu have no skin on your face. Shame on you.

Reply to chick
Posted by: almost mad | 2009/10/09

I agree, your ex must have done something really bad for you to have been so angry and broken up. Is it worth going from one bad man to another? Also if you want to leave your husband for cheating then leave, your child is better off not living in a home where her parents are unhappy together. either that or go for counceling.

Reply to almost mad
Posted by: HI | 2009/10/09

Your time is up with your ex boyfriend. You ended it a long time ago. Maybe you just like feeling sorry for yourself. Maybe you being selfish. You got married and must stick to your priorities. Men are men and know that they will be men. no need for you to dig up old things. You mad or something, this ex of you maybe even have a girlfriend that he loves. You want to hurt her. stop being selfish and mend things with your husband, you made a decision and stick to it. You are not a free women you are married for better or worse. YOu waited for your husband to make one mistake so you can pin him down for your ex. You are going to hurt people in the process and plus your husband propably does love you.

Reply to HI
Posted by: Wise Owl | 2009/10/08

You did not mention your ages when you broke up 14 years ago. You have to take this into consideration. What seemed to be wonderful and exciting at a young age is not the same now that you have matured, so don' t think you will be able to revisit those wonderful years again, it just wont b e the same and you may just be disappointed

Reply to Wise Owl
Posted by: D | 2009/10/08

Well you kinda answered it yourself, not rushing into a divorce and into his arms, and plus you dont really know how he feels, no matter how much you say its not directly related but you marriage problems are actually influencing your feeling for someone that comes from your past. Besides the bad break up this was someone you were once inlove with and was intimate with and shared something special of which these are lacking in your marriage. You projecting on to him what you want from your husband as you say you do care for him.

I sometimes think of an ex when I am in a bad space with my boyfriend, but what keeps me ' going'  is that I start remembering the reason why they an ex and why its should be kept that way and focus more on the relationship I have right now.

You lonely because of what your husband has done and the consequences thereof and you yearning for that intimacy and attention which you not getting.

just my opinion and hope all works out for you..........
just remember theres a reason why they called an ex........

Reply to D
Posted by: Kelly | 2009/10/08

Is he single?
Also you have to think of reason you guys broke up, he must have done something really horrible to make you that angry at him and hate him...

Reply to Kelly

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