Our expert says:
As you've discovered, there's a difference between intellectually knowing, as you do, that you need to let go of those aspects of the episode of infielity which still hurt you so much, and actually emotionally being able to do so. Our emotions are not logical and "sensible" in an intellectual sense. The head knows you need to, the heart makes it hard to do so. Still, the most useful way to work on this is in continuing counselling, working with a good shrink on the nitty gritty details of doing what you know you need to do. This type of response is understandable, but it atively magniies the unavoidable degree of hurtfulness. It's like having once stepped on a drawing pin, carefully preseving that drawing pin, and a box of ohers, and scattering them on the floor around you, to ensure that you keep stepping on them.
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