Still grieving

Question

Posted by: Bella | 2008/08/07

Still grieving

After 1,5 years, I still cry oncontrollably at the sight of photos or a memory of my Golden Retreiver gril who suddenly died last year. She was 3. The vet could not figure out what was the cause, in hospital for 3 days, then just dead.
It was the single worst thing I have ever expereinced in my life. Not even my divorce hurt me this much.
What can I do? How will I get over this?
It feels like I' ve failed her, and lost a child

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Our expert says:

CyberVet

Dear Bella

Plant a tree for her and care for it daily. Watch it get bigger and imagine how many creatures can benefit from her tree.

Vasbyt

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:

Posted by: gerda | 2008/08/20

ek het al 4 katte aan die dood af gestaan en ek huil nog oor hulle ek het nog 7 katte by die huis hulle hou my baie besig vir al as dit tyd is vir kos ek sukkel maar net hulle wil nie altyd eet wat ek gee nie ek is baie lief vir hulle mis die ander veral as hulle sterf datum nader kom ek weet wanneer is almal oorlede is ek het ook gese nie weer nie ek het die mense kinders nie net 4 bene my lewe is net om hulle ek gaan glad nie net verlof nie hulle kan seer kry of hulle dood verlang na my ek gaan net van die huis af weg omdat ek moet werk vir hulle kos kat liefde aan almal gerda

Reply to gerda

Posted by: Chill | 2008/08/08

So now you' re a cross between Superman and Einstein?

You did what you could - you got your dog medical help, and it didn' t work. A huge pity - MORE than a huge pity - but how is this your fault?

Stop beating yourself up. You can only do the best you can, and sometimes, in life, that isn' t enough. Not your fault.

Don' t forget your dog - I never forget mine. Now move on!

Reply to Chill

Posted by: Bella | 2008/08/08

Hi guys - thanks for the response. Thing is - she was a rescued dog, as is my lovely labrador and St Bernard - who was adopted one month after my girl died. I lost another dog in December, cried and got it over with. I just don' t understand why she touched my heart in such a way that I can not get over it. I don' t cry daily, weekly or monthly, but when I stumble accross a photo< I just cry and can' t stop. It feels like I have failed her, that I could not help her and she needed me to help her

Reply to Bella

Posted by: Carol | 2008/08/08

Chill is quite right .. a new dog will never replace the other one , but having to train and play with a new dog will keep you busy and the new one will find a place in your heart.

So go to your local shelter ASAP.

I have also lost animals and it broke my heart everytime ....it gets better.

Reply to Carol

Posted by: Chill | 2008/08/07

Whatever anyone says to you is going to sound heartless - but, you did ask, so I' ll tell you what I think.

I know exactly how it is to lose a dog. I' ve lost two to cancer, one to heart disease, lots to old age - and no matter what, it never gets any easier. If I want to, I can still bring myself to tears at the loss of a dog that died in 1986 - but the thing is: why do I want to do that? I will never forget them, but shouldn' t remembering them rather bring a smile to your face?

Frankly, I think you' re wallowing. Get some common-sense perspective on this - you had a dog, you loved her, she got ill and died. Of COURSE you were upset. Of COURSE you were traumatised. Of COURSE you' d give your eye teeth to have her back. But, it' s not going to happen, and you need to get on with your life. Stop gazing at her picture with teary eyes, stop remembering every second of her unfortunate demise, stop covering yourself in guilt and regret and self-pity. What I' m saying is: it' s ENOUGH already! Get over it, and get on with your life!

And here' s my master-plan to resolve this in one fell swoop: go to your nearest animal shelter before the end of this month, and get yourself another dog, that would otherwise have to be put to sleep - yes, killed! - because it doesn' t have a home and nobody wants it.

I guarantee that by next month this time your whole outlook on life will have changed - do it!

Reply to Chill