Posted by: Pauline | 2004/12/01

Still being foolish?

Please help me - to the Cybershrik and to Paris - thanks for your replies earlier - he has just come now to my office and we spoke outisde for an hour - he was crying telling me that i need to believe that he never slept with anyone else - I have been with him for two years and he never uses a condom to masturbate which i asked him about and he says that he does that now cos if he doesnt use a condom to masturbate then he gets sores on his penis - why did he come here ? Cos he feels guilty or cos he genuinely is telling the truth - I am so angry and frustrated and sad inside because in reality i will never know the true story and how can u be in a relationship with someone u cant trust ? he keeps saying that i am must look at the fact that he keeps coming back to me because he loves me - i can also see the other side - he keeps coming back cos it gives him a roof over his head and everything is taken care for him so why not have me and still mess around - are all relationships this pathetic and so questioning? why cant it be that when someone loves u - they love u - no games, no questioning, wonderin feeling insecure - please help me to understand why he is so adamant to convince me he was telling the truth

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Hi Pauline --
And Paris, I know exactly how you feel --- till I reconfigured by system to be a bit more reliable, I found I often wrote a brilliant response, hit "Upload" and it got lost --- and it's remarkably difficult to respond after that, as the lost message seems impossible brilliant, and anything else one says, inadequate, compared to the One that Got Away !
Back to you, Pauline. Like Paris, I have never heard of a man who gets sores from masturbating, unless he does it daily and for many, many hours at a time. And using a condom yould not be a useful protection, and might even make it worse. That just does not make sense. If he got sores, well, there are many easy ways to get sores from having sex with other people, far easier than by masturbating, which would require far too much hard work ( pun intended ) for a guy like this ! Sore, yes, possibly, as Shaun describes, but not "sores".
Like Paris, I'd worry about this extreme contrition and tears. It could indeed be the response of an honest guy awfully misunderstood and desperate to convince you -- but it'd really only be convincing if he had already made independent arrangements so that he didn't actually NEED you for accomodation and financial support, etc., and was then clearly responding only to the emotional situation.
If you give him no roof over his head, etc. --- would he still be so desperate to get back into the relationship with you ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: PARIS | 2004/12/01

Well there you have it Pauline, alot of different opinions. But shawn is right. The decision is ultimatley up to you, and no one can tell you what to do.

If giving this guy another chance is what you truely want then go for it.


Reply to PARIS
Posted by: Shaun | 2004/12/01

Well as usual I will differ with the opinion's given & will definitely tell you that only you can make up your mind whether to give him a chance or not.
Newsflash people: you CAN DEFINITELY get sore from masturbating. Yes, I do it, ask me, I know!!! I have a foreskin problem that tears everytime it streches a bit too much, & yes a condom does very well help with that problem. Maybe too much of info here, but sometimes we should take note of an opinion as opposed to a fact, & here the fact is you can get sore from it. But "sores" is another story altogether which I am not aware of so I will not comment.

The choice ultimately is yours Pauline. I would say go back to the top & read your own words. Take it in, I think you know what you would like to do, but just need some support.

Paris, great advice, but I only agree with the second part of your first response in this posting.

Good luck with your decision Pauline. Sorry to everyone else for disagreeing, but I had to show your'll that there could be truth here...


Reply to Shaun
Posted by: PARIS | 2004/12/01

Unfortunately not babes. I only do US....

Reply to PARIS
Posted by: blackbird | 2004/12/01

Paris that ZIM dollars ....

Reply to blackbird
Posted by: PARIS | 2004/12/01

Thanks lulu...

Ja i can give some sessions... 1st one's free, next one ''one million dollars'' ha ha... kidding.

Reply to PARIS
Posted by: lulu | 2004/12/01

Firstly: PARIS, excellent advice. (o: Do you do couples councelling too? hehe

Pauline, dump him. He's playing you and you're going to get hurt. Listen to Paris. Her advice sounds spot on with this guy.

Reply to lulu
Posted by: Kernel | 2004/12/01

He is lieing to you - don't believe a word he is telling you. You can't get sores from masturbating. He probably got it from someone else.

Get rid of this guy - he is only using you and is desparately looking for a place to stay. There are much better men out there - you deserve better than this pathetic as**hole.

Reply to Kernel
Posted by: Harry | 2004/12/01

Pauline: You don't read well or don't want to understand what's been said: He's talking nonsense about using the condom for masturbating, but that does not matter: He owes you nothing for the time that you were apart.

Decide if you will be lucky with this oke or not, decide if you want to be with him or not, looking back at your times together

Reply to Harry
Posted by: PARIS | 2004/12/01

Hi Pauline,

I just typed out this ''A4'' reply, hit send and my pc bombed out. Shit!!!

Pauline, seriously, i dont think his telling you the truth. I dont know of a man alive that uses condoms to masturbate because his hand gives him sores (sorry to be so blunt) i dont know, maybe some of the guys on the forum can comment.

Secondly, i man who's telling the truth doesn't act so desperate to come to your work crying. I think he knows his been caught out and now he has to deal with the consequences eg: no roof over his head, etc etc. His behaviour has guilty written all over it.

Thirdly, there are men out there who are not like this. There are faithful great men out there who do not play games or who question, but it's up to you to decide if you want that better deal.

You sound so sure in knowing that this relationship is based on lies, mind games and questioning, yet you dont want to take your blinkers off?

Dont stay in a bad relationship for the sake of being with some one. I know you love this guy, but some times love simply isn't enough to keep it together.

Keep us posted, and if you need any thing, you know where to come.


Reply to PARIS
Posted by: Bee | 2004/12/01

No, all relationships are not pathetic and questioning and you are right about trust, once that is broken it's difficult to move on. He's wants to convince you that he's telling the truth so that he can have that roof over his head and be taken care of.

Reply to Bee

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