Posted by: Sara-lee | 2008/06/09

Stepson giving grief

Can anyone please help - my stepson in 19. met his father when he was just 7 going to 8. there was no maternal support for him and i loved children - being single and independent. my hubby stayed with parents until he moved in with me in 2002 when i expected since i could not tolerate the arrogance of my in-laws - house was bought in 2001 and i moved immediately. we are together for 11 years with the father now married for 9 years and have a 6yr old boy. my stepson did not stay with us until my in-laws decided so 3yrs ago and i was not consulted in all this. it was okay since we took care of him at a distance and the mother also made my life hell since she all of a sudden came in the picture. i mean someone who is married and staying there with her family not caring where her son sleeps or eats or wears. being the 'rich wife' i must provide. my husband is a low earner and his pay focused on his basics and hardly enuf for the household - at times i feel it is unfair of him to have allowed his family to put this strain on our marriage especially with a child who is ruthless. what do u make of a 19yr old who uses the bathroom, makes food but does not clean after himself. he is repeating gr11 but failed the first quarter. i took him back to my in-laws since i wanted peace of mind in the house but it failed since my hubby saw me as the enemy - according to the lies i make his father hate him and fight him - when he does not do his chores. who do i contact when the child is stubborn to do his chores or help around the house. he is lazing 247 in front of the tv - i hate having put in pvr. my son hardly get the chance to watch cartoon because the selfish brother is forever on the tv. he locks himself in the room it has developed bad odour. i hate hip-hop and its movies because the language is not good for children but he plyas them anyway to spite me and most of the its when the father has not arrived from work. i am tired on being a slave in my own house since it causes tension within the household - i blame my hubby 100% since he told the boy that he owns everything and all the cars - yet he hardly buys groceries or provide in the house. my hubby enjoys a jol and listens to all the lies - it almost caused our divorce last year and i am willing to go that route again since my hubby does not want to listen. i searched the house one day in his room and found packs of what looked like muti under his bed. i dont use this thing and last i suffered food poisoning from something drs could not establish what. my husband feels i am exxagerating to extent i feel he is in on all this as well so that he inherits everything i have. the boys mother makes ends meet on piece jobs and she told the boy she has no money for him. this weekend i found out he has asked my neighbours and our garden attendant for money that i will repay - fortunately they did not budge and asked. i am talking of someone who was give entire months allowance by his father. he is so skinny and you can see he is not well - is he on drugs as well since he eats a lot but does not gain weight. he has deprived himself of happiness since when we are happy in the house - i.e. when my hubby and i get along and share time together he makes sure that he says something which causes tension to us nad he still falls for the trick. during the week i was told i pray satan and i am evil by his father right in front of him. WHEN WILL MY HUSBAND LEARN or HOW DO I MAKE SURE THAT MY STEPSON GETS OUT OF MY LIFE FOR GOOD so as my in-laws.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

This is outrageous, and your husband has no right to allow this lazy lout to take over and control YOUR home and you and your child. Take him ( the husband ) to urgent mariage counselling, and together work out quickly a firm set of house rules which the lazy boy MUST keep to, or move out. And he must not be allowed to lock ANY rooms, or indeed to use any shared rooms unles she washes refularly, and not to control the TV. He can watch what you and your son want, or watch nothing. Take good legal advice to protect your belongings. Sounds like the boy could well be on drugs, and his father is stupid to give him enough allowance to pay for a drug habit. And at that age especially, an allowance ought to be earned by doing chores around the home.
Insist that the boy go back to the inloaws, and make it clear to your husband that unless this system comes under control, he can be the next one to leave your house.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Sara-lee | 2008/06/09

but an update - i attended counselling before for PND and last for marital problems we had. i have arranged for the will and even my employment benefits to be under the care of my family (father and siblings) since they help with raising of my son and are very protective of my son - my mother passed away in July 2000 and we are protective of one another since. i feel my hb doesnt want to grow up. it sad we suffer strokes and when you recover everyone is upset with u. last year i raised a protection order for them and i feel i am now in the same boat thus my need to just get up and go. my son will be better off since his so called brother is so jealousied of the relation he has with his father and i feel that is insensitive to a 6yr old - father hardly makes a standing he would rather play out with the yound boy instead of addressing the problem the older one gives. i am so fed up with all of this and i just want out. i have consulted my attorney to try and start the proceedings since i have been down this road before. as for the stroke part i survived u wont even see the touch i am 100% healthy now and got a promotion last year as well - so i can say that my life in general is in control, except for this.,.......

Reply to Sara-lee
Posted by: Snowhite | 2008/06/09

Once again the husband is the one who's the problem!

Send him and his family moer toe!

Reply to Snowhite
Posted by: Anon#2 | 2008/06/09

Change your will, get some legal advice and then build a life for yourself and your son - there is nothing here for you.

Perhaps, if your husband sees by your actions that you are serious, he will attend a marital counsellor and move his son back to his mother or your in-laws - you cannot change this situation by doing the same things over and over again.

Reply to Anon#2
Posted by: anon | 2008/06/09

first thing first get rid of your husband he is not provider and he encourages such behavior am telling u it wont get better was in the same situation they will kill u at the end of they want to inherit that muti u saw ,i also had an episode like that got a stroke doster could not explain as i was healthy u dnt have to stand for that rubbish kick them both out

Reply to anon

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