Our expert says:
I'd like to see what other, experienced, mothers have to say, here. I gaher that you are really fearful that your own son will grow up like his brother of whom you don't approve. Its not unusual for a younger kid to imitate his older brother in some ways, but usually not for long, and usually only if there is something obviously cool and admirable about the older brother.
Yet your complaint about the older boy seems to be that he's like most other teenagers - dresses in a sloppy way not to your taste, is lazy, and watches too much TV.
Playing basketball or cricket isnt compulsory. Some most excellent kids don't do so, and some rather awful kids do. Your attitude may not be at all encouraging him to develop that self-esteem you say you want to see in him.
With all kids, maybe especially step-kids, it is essential that they grow in a structured home, with some reasonable exectations of their behaviour and share in household chores, and some reasonable penalties if significant and sensible rules are broken. But this MUST be agreed and administered absolutely equally by both parents, in full agreement.
Its almost more useful for you to be unanimously wrong, than right but in discord.
So you need a fruitful discussion with your husband, maybe mediated with the help of a couples counsellor, to reach a compromise agreement about what you as a couple expect of BOTH your kids, and how you will communicate this to the kids, while enhancing their self-esteem and the chances that they will behave in the ways that you have agreed you want.
And don't sweat the small stuff ! Not hurting or being cruel to others is an important rule ; hairstyles and mode of dress is not.
The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal
advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.