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Question
Posted by: CP MOM | 2005/01/12

Stepparenting

Hi there all!

Any books to read that are good on this subject ?
Lulu's given a name but I cannot find it at Incredible books.

Monday nite the Porra sit marking clothes and pencils and me and the kids were playing in the lounge (me thinking i'm keeping them out his hair with Sony playstation) and now it comes out he thinks i'm neglecting him ?!?

He's the one that said "we" wont work if the kids dont like me ? They actually send me sms's sumtimes saying I LIKE YOU!!! I told him you should just have grabbed me by the ear and said come sit here !!

I dont wanna muck up so if there is a good book - please help ?

He's a joker and makes jokes about anything - there is no subject he does not joke about - he has made 2 in the last while about disabled kids and disabled parents - also Ne picks up black languages much easier than afrikaans and english he made a joke about there and her iq.... I did not find this funny at all and actually burst into tears..... He's promised to work on it and did not mean it as a reflectin on her.... wara wara..... So mens moet maar werk aan die dingetjies.....

SO THE BOOK CAN BENEFIT US BOTH I THINK!

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Our expert says:
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As they currrently have a 20 % off all books sale at Kalahari.net, check them out and search using the keyword "Step-parenting", and maybe also step-parent, step-mother, etc. And try the Exclusivebooks.com website, too, as it shows far more books than are on the selves at any one store, and you can buy a boook online through them and have it delivered free to your nearest store for pick-up, or by courier to your home at modest cost.
And by the way, I like the conclusion to Inc's message ! Maybe he needed some gentle teasing about being so competitive with his own kids ! And lulu, I kinda like the idea of your hair going out to her --- sounds even more sincere, in a way !

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: CP MOM | 2005/01/12

NABY LAKESIDE MALL ? EK MAIL JOU GOU MY CELL NR.

Reply to CP MOM
Posted by: lulu | 2005/01/12

OK, laat weet my waar in Farramere en dan kan ek dit daar gaan aflaai. Behoort nie 'n probleem te wees nie. Natuurlik het ek nie 'n clue waar Farramere is nie, maar ek kan in die boek kyk.

Weet jy wat? Jy moenie so stres oor julle en julle kroos nie. Ek dink dit gaan baie makliker wees as julle net altwee besef dat die hond nou klaar sy toertjies geleer is en dat julle maar moet adapt met die situasie. Ek het gesien met my stepparenting lewe dat dit nie help om te skop teen die prikkels nie. Klim uit die boks en bekyk die situasie van bo af OBJEKTIEF. Nie altyd maklik nie, maar mens moet maar aanhou probeer. Drie jaar down the line is alles nog nie 100% by my nie, maar ek pak darem nie meer elke tweede dag my goed in om hom te los nie. hehe

Reply to lulu
Posted by: CP MOM | 2005/01/12

LULU - JY MY MAIL GEKRY ?

Reply to CP MOM
Posted by: CP MOM | 2005/01/12

Hy bly in Kempton maar kom eers na 9 in die aand tuis bottelstoor oop tot 8uur ? in Farramere ?

Reply to CP MOM
Posted by: lulu | 2005/01/12

Nee, hierdie naweek is rof. Manlief verjaar en ons het Sat en Son parties.

Vrydag kan dalk werk, maar dan moet dit vroegerig wees. My twee gaan na Die Pa toe, so ek sal dalk kan reel dat ek hulle vir hom kom aflaai in Kempton, dan sien ek jou gou daarna. Hoe sal dit werk?

Reply to lulu
Posted by: CP MOM | 2005/01/12

Thanx Liewe Lulu

Die x vrou vat die kinders elke 2de naweek maar soos jy weet het my kind nie 'n pa nie so sy's altyd by ons maar ek probeer om dan die saterdag 'n sitter te kry.....

Ek sal jou Saterdag kry - of miskien gou vrydagaand ?

Reply to CP MOM
Posted by: lulu | 2005/01/12

I'll venture a reply on your posted concern:

It sounds like a classical communication problem. He might also be a little jealous, as you suspect...

Your were right in pointing out that he should just have asked you to come sit with him or help him. Brei nou net hierop uit en maak seker dat hy weet jy kan nie gedagtes lees nie. As hy iets van jou wil hê sal hy daarvoor moet vra. Om te verwag dat jy presies weet hoe hy wanneer voel is absurd. Van jou kant af ook. PRAAT PRAAT PRAAT...

The fact that you both realise that there will be dingetjies to sort out around the kids, is a good sign. He doesn't expect you to fit in or fall off and neither do you. He will have to realise that his jokes hurt you sometimes and that he should consider this before he makes them. Sounds like he's willing to do that though. Good sign again.

The book will definitly benefit both of you. It's written in a way to address both sides of the situation and even some more than that.

Al wat ek kan sê is dit klink nie vir my asof hierdie man 'n probleem het om te praat oor dinge nie. Dis die oplossing. Sit een aand as julle miskien alleen is en bespreek wat julle twee van die verhouding verwag met die kinders saam. Wat julle dan ooreenkom is soortvan julle "huisreels". As hy nie van voete op die bank hou nie en jy gee nie om nie, sal julle moet besluit wat word die reel, ens. Dis belangrik dat die lys van reels nie te lank is nie, want dan gaan julle nooit die kinders kry om daarby te hou nie.

Miskien is dit ook nie 'n slegte idee om te praat oor die feit dat julle nou 4 kinders voltyds het nie. Die verantwoordelikheid daarvan is baie en altwee sal dit moet besef. Julle twee en julle verhouding is aan die ander kant net so belangrik, en daarom moet die kinders nie al julle aandag en energie kry nie. As een van julle "neglected" voel, moet hy so sê en dan moet julle 'n date maak vir alleen-tyd. Werk soos 'n bom vir my situasie.

Hoop dit help.

L

Reply to lulu
Posted by: Inc | 2005/01/12

I'll answer that health question as soon as I go and see a specialist. I have not had a check up since October 2003... so any answer right now would be a lie. I have an appointment to see a specialist on 24 Jan. I will know after that how I am.

The love life... I had a little fling over Christmas... but no, I'm not making any effort to see him again.

Reply to Inc
Posted by: CP MOM | 2005/01/12

Yebo!

Reply to CP MOM
Posted by: lulu | 2005/01/12

OK, kom ons gesels op e-mail, anders "chat" ons die ander weer kwaad...

Reply to lulu
Posted by: CP MOM | 2005/01/12

Hi Lulu

Ja ek kan jou in Kempton kry Saterdag ogg ?

Ek mail jou gou ?

Reply to CP MOM
Posted by: lulu | 2005/01/12

Nee, nie my "haar" nie! My "hart"... Maar jy weet wat ek bedoel, ne? (o;

Reply to lulu
Posted by: CP MOM | 2005/01/12

In Dec. when my maid and I was cleaning out his house and re-arranging i found a letter from the x wife where she was the one complaining that he and the kids sit on the 3seater and then she's all alone ........

yes he does that and i don't mind as long as I get a wink or something every now and then - seems like he's a bit jealous ?

Inc. how are you these days - medically that is ? And no new guy on the horison ?

Reply to CP MOM
Posted by: lulu | 2005/01/12

Ag shame, CP MOM... My haar gaan uit vir jou, my vriendin.

Die boek waarvan ek gepraat het is by EXCLUSIVE Books, nie Incredible Books nie. Probeer weer, anders kan ek dit op 'n ander manier vir jou gee. Wil nou nie copy rights ens. oortree nie, maar miskien kan ek jou iewers vir koffie ontmoet in KPark en dan leen/gee ek jou my boek. Hoe klink dit?

Reply to lulu
Posted by: Inc | 2005/01/12

CP Mom... I don't know...
there are no instructions to having the perfect relationship. one book can have many interpretations to different people. as a parent yourself... go with your gut. if they say that they like you, then you must be doing something right. if he feels neglected because you spend time with his kids, they maybe he needs a book on 'becoming an adult'.

Reply to Inc

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