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Question
Posted by: Blending | 2004/12/13

Stepkids<br>

My fiancée and I have 3 kids. 2 (14 and 11) girls from his previous marriage and 1 (4) from mine. The problem is that the 2 bigger ones do not live with us and the eldest one has on numerous occasions said that she would like to come and live with us as she does not feel that she belongs with her mother and sister and that they have arguments on a daily basis and that she can not talk to her mother at all. This has now been going on for about 3 years. We are thinking of asking for custody of the eldest one but we are worried on what impact it will have on the relationship between the 2 sisters. Will it be more traumatic than living in a house where she does not feel comfortable and does not feel like home.Please help.

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Our expert says:
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It's really not practical for us to predict the effects of such a change, from this distance. What you're desribing in regard to what the one girl complains of ( interesting that the other girl apparently does NOT complain about this ) ; is unpleasant or annoying, but NOT traumatic, and not likely to cause damage. A counsellor could help you, and maybe also the girl herself, to explore this situation and the different options, in enough detail to understand it properly, and choose the best course of action all round. Do you know that the Ex would think of this posibility ? ( Support it with relief or fight it ? ) and what the other sister thinks about it ? sn't there a need for a lot more discussion all round, before decisions get made ?

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