Posted by: kathy | 2008/07/01


Dear doc

My daughter of 16 has a friend who we suspect is perhaps stealing from her. This is a lovely girl, and we approved of the relationship because she looks good,clean and fresh. Not the normal bad mouthed, smoking girls of that age. However, the first time she stayed over at our place my daughters tie went missing. We thought perhaps she had taken it accidentally as she was also there with her school clothes. After my daughter had asked her a number of times to please look if she had not taken it accidentally, she said that she had 2 ties and would then borrow my daughter one. She said she had 2 ties because she lost her one, replaced it and then found the other tie. The one tie she had is a "shabby" tie and the other one a "smart" one like the one my daughter had. So she presented my daughter with the shabby tie. Next, my daughter leaves a pair of earings in this girls pocket, well she asked her to hold onto it for her. the next day at school this girl pitches with the exact pair of earings in her ears. When questioned by my daughter she says, no these are mine I have the same pair, I will bring your tomorrow. The next day she gives my daughter the earings. Now she has just spent another weekend with us and my daughters eyeliner and lipgloss is missing. What is worrying me is if this girl is the thief, how can she be so blase about it. I mean wearing the earings the next day?. And when my daughter , just before this girl left, began looking for her makeup, this girl jumped in and helped search frantically!. We are confused here. Are these all co-incidences?. Is this girl guilty or not. I am afraid to accuse her or break off the relationship incase she is innocent. This is confusing my daughter something terrible, she keeps saying "what do I do now" please help.
Many thanks.

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Our expert says:
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Must be confusing and frustrating. It sounds suspicious. Surely in the first place, your daughter must start becoming far more careful, about her possessions --- NOT leaving earrings in someone else's care, and not having this girl in her room. What do other parents feel about handling this sort of situation ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: Candy | 2008/07/02

When i was young a friend of mine would steal silly things like lipgloss from me. She also had a tendency to wee in her pants for some reason. We are much older now and she will always have this 'spiteful' edge about her. I just dont get on with her and hardly speak to her.

Reply to Candy
Posted by: Britty | 2008/07/01

Your daughter's friend can be "blase" about it because no-one has caught her. As this is only a friend and not a relative which would be harder to deal with, your daughter perhaps would be willing to cut the friendship tie. This kind of friend will always be high maintenance and really is not worth the trouble.

Reply to Britty
Posted by: Me | 2008/07/01

I used to nick things when I was younger, and it was purely because I liked to have "other" things - things that were not my own. I'm 30 now, and I've outgrown it. I think most kids go through a phase where they take things that don't belong to them? But I agree with John

Reply to Me
Posted by: John | 2008/07/01

My cousin's daughter had long fingers when she was younger and every time she came to visit I would have to make sure that bedroom doors were closed and trinkets and nik-naks were locked way. It was quite a nuisance and everyone in the family spoke about it. The really weird thing is that, after a while, it became clear that she knew that we knew. But this made no difference as odds and sods still grew feet and walked out of the house when she visited. So even later it was clear that we knew that she knew that we knew that she knew...if you get my meaning. It may be kleptomania but I am reluctant to make an illness out of bad manners and worse habits. So, even today, when I hear that Lorna is going to visit, I lock up....have your daughter get a new friend, even one that smokes but does not steal is better as, one day, the sneak thief is going to try this rubbish at a mall that has trained eyes to watch out for her and her type. Your daughter may just be with her......

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