Posted by: Cop75 | 2013/01/07

Stay or Leave??

Over 13 years of marriage and two kids later (almost teens), my wife and i have changed a lot in terms of our hobbies, dreams and aspirations in life as well as our beliefs and outlook on life. We have constantly had very bad disagreements because we each have very different perceptions of our own roles and the other''s role in marriage. The arguments are over basics like how to treat our inlaws, parenting skills, sharring responsibility in the house, the head of the home as well as love languages and how to express affection towards each other. Where i feel i have listened to my wife''s needs and taken solid steps to address her concerns over the years, i feel none of the issues that matter to me are important to her and she will only address what benefits her and in her time. She will not take responsibility for her actions and of late has becove verbally abusive in daily talk, whereas because i come from a verbally abused background, i tend to rather hold back on words when angry so i dont say what i dont mean. I have reached a point where i feel lonely next to her and feel we are complete strangers and at a point where i am convinced i deserve better in life as i have given 120% of me to this and received less than that from my partner, with no hope of change or things getting better. Councelling has not helped, including getting friends to try and talk sense into her. I am at a point where i want to pack my bags into my car and just drive out with nothing else and start my life afresh, even if i am giving up my R2m paid up house and other assets. I have become unproductive and demotivated with a lot of things and need a fresh head that can guide me through what i am thinking.

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Posted by: Yoh,woman | 2013/02/06

I was leaving with my fiance. He was in soo much debt tried talking to him about it, but I could not get anywhere. Until one day he asked me to take an extra bond to pay off his debts. When I refused, I was told I was not a team player. We could not terms his debts that were getting worse, when I asked him he did not want to let me know why his debt was still escalating even though he tells me Phe was paying them. In essence he leaved a double life. When he left he has a g/friend pick him up @ our place. The g/friend they have a place together. There is soo much one can do, if someone feels like moving on thisy days it''s easy. You can talk or try address the issues, if one of the parties has thier mind made up, there soo much you can do.

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Posted by: Cop75 | 2013/01/14

Maximus, your response is spot on. One of the reasons i am throwing in the towel is that after the kids came along, there has been no heat in the bedroom at all and its like a brother and sister relationship, hence i dont see why i am even sticking around. My kids are old enough to understand whats going on and i am prepared to explain everything to them and then find a ''man cave'' that i can use to restart my life while still playing a father figure to the kids. Life is too short to settle for second best especially when you have given it your all for so long. After 13 years of making love to a log, one gets a bit exhausted and realises that there must be more to life out there. Out of interest, i wonder if womwn ever get together and chat about how they treat us and realise how their actions or lack thereof are responsible for so many of their problems. Not that we are saints, but i someof us really go all out to make them happy but lack that counter effort to keep us recharged...

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Posted by: Maximus | 2013/01/09

I had a boys night during December and all 4 of us were discussing similar things to above.
Our conversation was mainly around the sexual issue (or rather lack thereof) and i was surprised that all of us had similar problems - ie the change in the relationship when one has children and specifically the huge priority change of the wife in the relationship.
So I have (jokingly) come up with a solution. I need a NEST / MANCAVE!! off site. I want a separate house to live in. There must be a big sign in front saying no wives or children! There must be all manner of toys, vibrators, flat screens, PS3, Xbox, books etc.
Then I could visit the kids everynight and have dinner so they can still have a parental father figure in their lives and i can leave and sleep in my nest/mancave. If the wife wants sex, (since the horniest people on the planet are divorced woman) she can decide to come around for an hour or so and leave again.

If she does not want sex as so often happens now - then i can find a one night stand somewhere. She could also find some other sucker if she wants - i could not care - as long as i can see my kids everyday if i want.

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Posted by: Same boat | 2013/01/08

Been there after 10 years of marriage filled for divorce and took my kids.Pack your bags it wont get better man.
Good luck man

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