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Question
Posted by: Fedup | 2008/05/26

Stay or go??

I don't know anymore. Me and my husband was the perfect couple we still do everything together and are a really good team but these days it's so different. We fight at least twice a week. And I'm not talking about disagreeing I talk about real verbal abbusive fights. He can get really nasty and manipulative and then just assume the next day that i must forget all about it and that nothing is wrong. But this is breaking me. I starting to question our marriage and his intentions with me? If he really love me why does he break me down?

Now we also have a 16 month old girl and we love her to bits. Everything changed since I fell pregnant and he lost his job and started his own business. Now yes know it's stressfull and I'm giving him lots of credit everyday for his hard work and I'm always there motivating and supporting him daily while I help him out with admin and looking after our baby. And although it's only been 2 years and we still not properly on our feet, business is doing fine and we are ok financially otherwise I really do the best I can. But suddenly he treat me like a dog.

I tried talking to him numerous times asking him what the problem is and what I'm doing wrong etc but he can never give me an answer. Just always say sorry and make promises that things will get better and then love me to bits but 2 days later it's the same shit.

I know I'm also not perfect and I do fight back but I'm always trying to understand why and trying to communicate etc. I never try and look for a fight it just happens. It always catch me off guard and most of the times I can't even remember what they fight was about anyway

Last night I said to him that I'm fed up and maybe I should just pack my bag and go. His comments was yes he's also fedup if I didn't notice and that when I leave I should just remember to leave HIS child behind?? This really breaks my heart?

I know you going to say go for counseling and I'm looking into it as soon as I can save up some money to go, but what is your comments on this? Should I fight and try make this better or what coz at the moment I feel so lonely and confused I don't know what to do. I've never imagined that this will one day happen to me.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

You guessed right. Surely, considering the situation you describe, mariage counselling is by far the best idea ? And should be sincerely engaged in by both of you long before thinking of separations, etc. I wouldn't be surprised if he doesn't feel similarly lonely and confused. It would be a wise investment, and doesn't need to be very expensive. See what FAMSA can suggest, and at what price, within reach of you

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Our users say:
Posted by: Desperado | 2008/05/26

Thanks Maria you supported me last time as well. I really appreciate it.

Slr you may be right it's something I too have been thinking about . Unforntunately we have to work together every day.

Reply to Desperado
Posted by: slr | 2008/05/26

doing too much together, maybe? you sound like Siamese twins.

Reply to slr
Posted by: k | 2008/05/26

be brave have faith in God and he will help you,

Reply to k
Posted by: Maria | 2008/05/26

Hi, I actually recognised you from the parenting forum based on your description of your circumstances. You guys have been through so much... don't give up without a fight either. FAMSA only lets you pay what you can afford. You owe it to yourselves and your LO to try and save your relationship. Will your husband be willing to go for therapy? While you sort that out, try this: when an argument starts, as soon as you realise it, stop. Do something different from what you usually do. It doesn't matter what, maybe say excuse me and leave the room for a few minutes, or give him a hug or clap your hands twice... anything to break the usual pattern. You may want to discuss this as a tactic with him. Then when you've calmed down, each write down what you think you're fighting about. Read each other's papers with an open mind and try to discuss it from there. Perhaps all the financial stress plus the stress and responsibility of having a baby is just getting to you guys now. Ask for help, it's not too late. Take care.

Reply to Maria
Posted by: Fedup | 2008/05/26

That's me posting above, sorry I used my real nic

Reply to Fedup
Posted by: Desperado | 2008/05/26

Just asking, luckily I know that it's definately not an option.
It's totally against his moral values, in fact he don't ever flirt or just hug other girls. Also we are together all day the whole day, if we do go somewhere it's together. I also have free access to his cellphone, e-mail etc. We are very open about it.

Reply to Desperado
Posted by: Just asking | 2008/05/26

Are you sure he does not have something going on the side that you do not know about? E.g. an affair? Usually if men suddenly start to act out of character without any reason, that is the case. And him being so at peace with your suggestion to leave ... may be that he wants excatly that so that he can do whatever he is up to more regularly?

Reply to Just asking

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