Posted by: LOOSING MY SELF | 2003/12/17

Starting to hate life<br>

I am 21 and still live at home, have a boyfriend we have been going out for 4 years going on 5, he is my only joy in life!!!

My parents and i never get along, i dont want to live there any more but i am not alowed to leave , coz if i do i will be disowend!! My dad is portuguess, my mother English . Oh and i have a little sister who is 14 who is perfect in there eyes.

Now she is the faverote, the angel who never does anything wrong, who is thin and perfect and etc.... I never do right , i feel as if i am the outcast the misfit all becoz i am not thin!!!!!!!!!

U know i also want to be loved and feel wanted at home!! i cant explain it there is so much going through my head and its driving me made !! my mother would have the time of day for me , to watch a movie with me , to come outside and swim with me yet alone talk to me !!, and there excuse is i moan all the time , but i have now started to go out so much that i am never home , coz i am tired of hearing its always me , i am the sick one i am the one who starts , i am the one who is fat and ungrateful , difficult, has a really bad attitude problem, I CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE it is always ME!! all i want is to be loved!! for example we went away for the weekend with our Quads and my boyfriend and myself decided to life eachother coz i was tired , for we had just been on long ride before that and while we were lifing eachother we went up a big hill and managed to tip the Quad ..... which landed on me and we started rolling with the bike!!!! my dads responce was" LOOK AT THE BIKE ..... YOU KNOW YOU CANT DO THAT .... HER WEIGHT !! " that was it i got up and walked away and went back to the place where we were staying !! he never came to check up on me or even see if i am ok !! then the following day my sister there little angel land up rolling her bike forward and he came running ARE YOU OK, checking her out !! which i find very wrong !! really i feel the love !!

Yesterday was a public holiday and i woke up and said go morning to my mom and clearly when she sees me she is not a morning person , so i just went back to bed and then she came to ask me if i have wrapping paper so i said yes i do and i went and helped her then when we finished she went and read her book and i tried to make conversation with her and i could see i wasnt winning so i went back to my room, she then went to sleep and the phone rang and i never heard it but when i did it was to late my sister had got it and because she had to wake up and run to the phone she gave me attitude and her facail expressions and stuff so i just went to my room and landed up spending the day in my room once again, then i wake up to hear the phone ringing the next door neighbour calling ,l my cell phone going and some one call ing me at the gate all at once!! when i got up to answer everyone i saw my mom sitting out side with my sister and that like really got to me she has time for my sister and i wanted my swim suit so i could go swim by my friends house and couldnt find it anywhere , i mean all my stuff is gone when u want it u cant find it , anyway i got up set and started moaning and then shouting and my mom turned around and said she will kick me out the house and i said i dont care what u do i dont even care if life ended now for me ........ and as i said that my dad walked in the house and heard me going of not my mother and it was all my fault etc.......... run me down........ threaten to hit me .......... i must shut up and so on ! and normal i do , but i am so tired of always be ing the one to get the blame and no one to support me and so on!! and he laned up GROUNDING ME !!!!!!!!

Here i am 21 starting to hate life , cant have my own life, terrified of everything , GROUNDED !!! I cant take it any more!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i am craking up !!! there is so much to say i could be here all day writeing but this is just a bit of my life !!!

U you know doc i am a good girl i dont drink never taken drugs always come home never sleep out all becoz i am told to , i have never livedl life to the fullest , my life consits of being shouted at hit and push aside , never noticed for the good i do and appreciated or thanked for my hard work!!!!!!!!!!

AND I BELIEVE THIS IS ALL BECAUSE I AM FAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Dear LMS,
I don't think this has anything to do with your being fat, if indeed you are fat to any significant extent --- you're describing untalented parents, lacking in the skills to be properly loving towards you ( their fault, not yours ). They probably prefer your sister simply because she is younger and more subservient to them at this stage, but she'll probably run into exactly the same troubles when she starts wanting to be more independent, as she will.
Why not explore the possibilities, at your age, of moving out, to share a flat with some other girls, or whatever works. For your father to try and "ground a 21 year-old" is absurd, but it reveals how much he wants to keep you a child, and has no idea of what to do with you as a woman.
When you can live elsewhere, work independently, and make your own decisions, continue to be a "good girl" for your own sake, not his, and enjoy life as the adult you ought to be.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: Hannah | 2003/12/18

Please don't advice the girl to get married . 21 is far too young - That'll just make one problem turn into another. Fact is you need to get out of there and stand on your own two feet. Once you have you would ask yourself why you hadn't sooner! Family or no family! Personally I think your parents, IN THE LONG RUN, could just have more respect for you - seeing in what an independant young women you have blossomed into and even feel ashamed for the way they have treated you.
Respect earns respect! no matter who or what age you are!

Reply to Hannah
Posted by: Mona | 2003/12/17

Ag shame man, big <<CYBERHUGS>> to you. There has to be a way out! Looks like you will have to get married sooner than you thought!! Does your parents like your boyfriend?? All you need is for them to say he isnt good enough to marry!!
I dont know what else to suggest... Try and go out as much as possible, and dont take notice of anything do or say. Good luck

Reply to Mona
Posted by: loosing my self | 2003/12/17

Mona i hear you , but its hard , he is portuguess and in the porra world your daughters dont leave the house till they are married and stuff, and believe him he will hit me !!!

Man i wish i had the guts to get out of there i only wish i could ,,, my mind is spinning round i if i go i can always stay by my B/F of 4yrs he has just got his own place , i love him very much !! but i dont want to marry him just to get out of the house!!! understand ! and i wish i could leave .!!!!!

Heart is acking to leave
if i leave i have no family

Reply to loosing my self
Posted by: Mona | 2003/12/17

There is just NO WAYS that your dad can give you a hiding if you leave. If he touches you, then go to the police!! I think its just all talk. Its time that you make your own decisions, and take control of your own life. Like the doc said, it will be a good idea for you to share a flat with another girl, cos then you know you wont be alone, and your dad will also not (hopefully!) come make trouble at your new place.
I know leaving home is a big step, and seems scary, but you have to do it. For your own sanity!! And if they arent showing you love and respect, they dont deserve to have your precious love in their house!

Reply to Mona
Posted by: LOOSING MY SELF | 2003/12/17

Hi well thats the thing they have run me down about my weight and said hurtful stuff!! so i feel it is becoz of my weight!!

About me moving out well that would be a dream come true , but i can only move out when i am married and it has been made clear i am not leaving anytime soon or else i will be disowned and i am not scared of that anymore its come to a stage where i dont care anymore , but i know if i leave he will hit me or like he says give me the hiding of my life what will make me RIGHT!!!!!!!!!

really its been really unpleasent there for as long as i can remember , i mean i was a mistake and my sister was plainned ,,,,,,,, trust me i sence faveratizim!! and yes i am jealous , not of what she gets just how she is treated and when she miss treats me its ok , no one see s it !!!!!!!! she is a angel!!! and i am the one who has a major attitude problem.

man what do i do i am so unhappy its not funny and i dont want to get married just yet i want to enjoy life , which has been taken from me, i mean high school was difficult i couldnt do anything ! so i dont socialize much !!!!!!! i just want my own life!!!!!

Posted by: Mona | 2003/12/17

Shame, life is just too short to be so unhappy!! Maybe the best thing you can do, is to move out!! So what if they dont leave you anything when they die?? Is their money really worth all your unhappiness?? And who knows, maybe its just all talk, maybe they will still leave you something one day.
If i was you, i'd move out. That way as well you will have to look after yourself, cook for yourself, so you will loose some weight too with all the running around!

Reply to Mona
Posted by: H | 2003/12/17

All I can say is, it must be painfull for you. At least you have someone around you.

I am all by myself have no one to talk to outside working hours. It is the festive season but it feels like a dark cold isolating period for me as I have just no one to spent time with.

Hopefully someone here will be able to give you some good advice.

Reply to H

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