Our expert says:
Gay, lesbian and bisexual expert
Hi Newby and a warm welcome to the forum. I believe there's quite a large gay and lesbian community in Mossel Bay? You're welcome to let off some steam but you need to tell us more - what stops you from coming out?
Anyone can be happy, irrespective of sexual orientation. Not all straights are 'happy' and many gay people are. Be careful of falling into the trap of equating being 'happy' with necessarily being involved in a relationship - single people can be as 'happy', or even 'happier', than people in relationships.
And what does 'happy' mean anyway? Invariably it means having a great relationship with yourself, being satisfied with who you are as a person, feeling confident of yourself and finding meaningful ways in which to interact with your environment that satisfy your needs. It sounds as if you need to nurture yourself a bit more and if your gay friends are unhappy then spend time, away from them, with people who have a more positive effect on you.
Is there any organised gay social network in your town? If not, start something - it takes two people to start a supper group, a movie group, video evenings with soup in winter, a weekend hike, a book club or meeting somewhere for drinks after work. You sound as if you're in a bit of a 'victim' space so think about what you can do to pick yourself up out of it and how you can nurture yourself and improve your sense of self.
I hope you've joined the forum's group on Facebook? And please keep posting........
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