Our expert says:
Actually, Lilli, it really depends on him. The most skilled psychiatrist in the world can't "change" anybody who doesn't really want to be changed, so maybe it's more a question of CAN you, rather than SHOULD you want to. On the other hand, if he actually loves you, he should wnt to change those of his habits which would be annoying to most people, and which one can maintain as an untidy, swearing bachelor, but which one might want to change, to please the woman one loves. And Maybe you can discuss this with him, and find out if there are aspects of your behaviour he'd like you to change. You could decide to make this a joint venture ! He can change when he swears, and what he swears about, and avoid it in front of you ; he can refrain from smoking in your car or indeed in front of you ( hasn't he heard of the lethal dangers of second-hand smoke ? ) ; and he can get tidier.
What bothers me, rather, is those people who start a relationship wanting such a radical makeover of the bf/gf that it would practically need major plastic surgery and years of therapy. There's a diference between wanting to change the basic nature of who the person is, and hoping to mutually smooth off a few rough edges here and there.
Otherwise it reminds me at times of the classic comedy sketch of Peter Cook / Dudley Moore, of the one-legged man applying to audition for the role of Tarzan in a movie, who can't understand why the Direcor considers him just slightly underqualified for the role.
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