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Question
Posted by: Koeks | 2004/11/29

SPACE

Since I met this guy 3 weeks ago we've been talking a lot every single day and nite. We've been out a lot to. All of a sudden the last three days (we went out on saterday - no problems) he's been phoning less and less as well as smss. He's not feeling well as he has flu but I don't like this.

Just phoned him and while talking he mentioned something about giving each other SPACE is a good thing.

What is that suppose to mean ?
How must I react ?
Just sms or phone when receiving ?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

I really feel that any relationship that starts off in an explosion of SMS and calls, has a major handicap to start with. The poor guy's got flu --- isn't he allowed to have a rest and recover ? No wonder the guy feels in urgent need of "space" --- you're overcrowding him, smothering him, and being terrifyingly needy. Give him space, and room and time to breathe. Encourage him to rest and to look after himself, and be prepared to re-start the relationship less hectically. And I'm with HS --- offer him a nice bowl of chicken soup, rather than a demand for any SMS.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Koeks | 2004/11/29

You are right K I do take sleeping pills at nite otherwise I lie awake thinking and will drive myself crazy. It's better to sleep through the whole night.

In the morning you have work to do and you are busy.
I know it is not right but it works for me.

Reply to Koeks
Posted by: Kasandra | 2004/11/29

Sometimes we feel insecure within ourselves and then we start to smother the person we are in relationship with - In the beginning its nice but then it gets a bit overwhelming -

I know when i am sick *flu* or something I feel terrible and dont want to be around people. I turn off my cellphone and sleep.

Note: You say you take sleeping pill at night? why do you do this? Sleeping pills can easily become escapes for not dealing with feelings before going to bed ect. beware of creating a pattren you cant get out of later.

Give the man his space like you said he will bounce back and phone you and call you remember the men are the hunters and they do love the chase but at the moment his sick and want some sleep let the man rest in peace......

Keep yourself occupied with hobbies and things you like cause its only been 3 weeks and his already got such a big hold on you.

Reply to Kasandra
Posted by: Koeks | 2004/11/29

Dear HS

He did say over the weekend he just want's to sleep, who's fault is it that he was the one who started "not sleeping" ha ha.

Anybody got a receipy for chicken soup ?

Reply to Koeks
Posted by: HS | 2004/11/29

Shame Koeks, the man must be feeling tired out - what all did you 2 do over the weekend...? he he
No, actually, I am feeling sick right now as well, and it also feels like the only thing I wanit is to sleep all the time (for the last few days). And my hubby is getting ticked off with me because he's got all this energy and 'ek kannie'.

It just requires patience, maybe tell him to get hold of you again when he's feeling a bit better. And just check in with an sms maybe once a day to say "get well soon" type of thing.

Maybe he just needs to rest until next time you guys get together, so he's fully energised again to spend time with you...
Cut him some slack, see how it goes, but of course if he's sick for weeks on end... hmmm, then the hint is clear.

Good luck sweet pea (PS maybe make him some chicken soup).

Reply to HS
Posted by: Koeks | 2004/11/29

Thank you very much. I will give him all the space he then needs. I once read that men are like elastic's they pull away and come back and then pull away again. I guess there is nothing I can do but sit it out and hope for the best.

You suggest I remain friendly and open but make no suggestions to get together unless he does ? And only reply and return emails and smss and calls ? The only date we have so far for this week is Sunday afternoon.

HELP !

Reply to Koeks
Posted by: Kay | 2004/11/29

From what you wrote it sounds like he IS asking you for some space.

Reply to Kay
Posted by: Koeks | 2004/11/29

Sorry, I forgot to mention I work flexi-time and I get a lot of sleep due to that. Also take a sleeping pill at nite. So I am well rested.

Reply to Koeks
Posted by: Koeks | 2004/11/29

As far as I can understand he just needs a lot of rest said he's falling asleep at work due to the flu and also the time we spent together this weekend. He didn't say he wants space he just said he's had no sleep since he's met me and a little space now and then isn't a bad thing.

Reply to Koeks
Posted by: Kay | 2004/11/29

Maybe he's really not feeling well - or he's feeling overwhelmed. The initial excitement of meeting and connecting might be wearing off by this time and he would like to have a bit of distance between the two of you so he can maybe figure out what he would like to do. If he says he wants space then give it to him. There is nothing worse (in my opinion) than asking someone to cool it and then they get pissy and insecure about it. Makes you realise that maybe you dont want to be with someone who is "obsessive" (not saying you are - just an example) and the relationship, or possibility of one, is doomed from the get go.

You guys have only known each other for three weeks - give it time. Go out with your friends, have fun, when he wants to he will contact you....surely thats better than looking like you are running after him. And if he doesnt then, c'est la vie...he's not the only shark (oops - fish) in the sea.

Reply to Kay

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